Day Three

Slept until around 4 o'clock this morning and woke up in daughter Emma's bed.....felt angry, came down, made a coffee and sobbed a bit.
Had a good chat with two friends last night.....they've both been through stuff so advice was easy to accept. Feel like I'm losing it a bit, but something is telling me to keep strong. Hope I can. I think the core of my problem is that I love Her, and somehow I need to stop loving her so things don't eat me up. Very tired. Had some red wine last night, it's not the answer!
She told me yesterday that John has told his wife and kids he's leaving.
I keep thinking I wish She had said something to me over the past few years about how she felt, instead of leaving things until it came to this.
I feel like I have something in my throat which is preventing me from eating. A friend says she had the same and the doc told her it was caused by stress. But even the thought of swallowing food makes me feel a bit sick. I've bought some vitamins and herbal sleeping pills, and I did sleep for a good few hours last night, although that may have been the red wine!
Wish I'd made some stronger emotional attachments with other people around here, it's not as if I can pour my heart out to my kids!
2 slices of toast with marmalade yesterday. Egg sandwich on Saturday.......cooked by daughter Ellie!
Saw her sister and hubby yesterday. Both upset. Hoped I'd feel better with a chat, but just ended up sad seeing them sad!
Niece gave me a picture with my name written on it. Saw another of Her sisters and partner with a house full.....no space to chat, but played a game with Emma, nieces and nephews.
Mistermistake Mistermistake
51-55, M
Dec 5, 2012