I Dealing With Divorce And Anger
I think I am like most people on here who have a problem and even something to say. In any case I have troubles like most of the people on here and it is my first time sharing this story. I am modest and preserve when it comes to who I tell my troubles to and eventhough I am in my 20's I only wish there was more I could do. Before I became a teenager my parents divorced and I moved to another state. I found it difficult at times to cope with what was happening and it seem to be happening fast at times and I didnt understand it all. I hate the feeling of not having two parents in the same house and struggled with growing up not seeing both parents and being able to grow up like all the kids. I cant take back what my parents did and may have been the best thing but I feel I got cheated out of a lot of the half of my real father who I am not close to. After my last conversation with him I am not convinced he can tell the truth on much and then again I am not sure what to believe. I found out much about my real father and at times found it hard to believe.
I try to see the good in everyone and give people the benefit of the doubt. I have been carrying around anger for a long time and wonder if it had to do with my poor marks in school and not being able to make friends because I didnt get help I needed. I only wish I had done this when I was younger it wouldnt have presented so many problems and maybe lessen the way I feel about my parents splitting apart. It sucks coming from a divorced family and it is heartbreaking to find out those who divorce and have children. It hurts the children more. I can believe it, I was one of them and felt much I couldnt understand. I understnad it wasnt my fault for what my parents did.
The thing that hurt the most is the tramatic experience I endured shortly before my parents split. I can remember as if it were yesterday. sometimes I pretend it is not there knowing a carry a scar that needs more the tender loving care. In my mind I want to erase it and pretend it is not there so I dont have to remember it.
In the last 6 months to a year I have been seeking counseling, it help some but i feel that counseling is not going to help the spiritual parts that need fixing. Dealing with childhood problems at an adult level is more than challenging because I kept it inside and didnt let people know I was angry until I figured out why I was angry. I am under the impression that is why I didnt get help because I didnt know myself at the time.
I often say to myself I hope I dont turn out like my real father, I dislike this part about him, I used to look up to him as a little girl because I wanted to be like him in some way. I know that my father doesnt come to see me as an adult because I feel he puts his life first and that it is more important than me. If that is how he wants it then I guess there is nothing I can do. I have done all the writing and calling and I get nothing in return. When I do talk to him I find that I wind up having tiptoe around him because he doesnt want to talk about somethings, especially my mother.
I hate the thought of giving up on him because it is not what I was taught as a teenager and even as a Catholic-Christian, I doubt I could. I am upset about the combination of things. mostly because my real father missed important events and because he lied to my face. I can only imagine what he would do to someone or if he changes so no one will notice.
It is weird because my step dad are really close, he is having problems with his daughter and somehow some of that makes us close, but because he treats me better than my real dad, in a way I feel like I am replacing my real dad. I call my step dad, Dad
I find it troubling because I dreamed that my parents would be together forever and I would grow up like a normal teenager and then go off to college and get married. sometimes it doesnt seem real and I am hoping to wake up from this dream that I cant make sense of. In reality it is not a dream even though I hope it is. I did go to college and get married. I want to think my real father replaced himself with my step father because of his lack of communication. I would hate to think the comment of not having a relationship with me since I was born doesnt it mean what I hope it doesnt means. I cant imagine it can get any better and if it does I hope it happens before it is too late.
I would love any feed back if this gets read. I am sure some of you out there have been through something similiar if not the same thing. If you havent still give your two cents.
I try to see the good in everyone and give people the benefit of the doubt. I have been carrying around anger for a long time and wonder if it had to do with my poor marks in school and not being able to make friends because I didnt get help I needed. I only wish I had done this when I was younger it wouldnt have presented so many problems and maybe lessen the way I feel about my parents splitting apart. It sucks coming from a divorced family and it is heartbreaking to find out those who divorce and have children. It hurts the children more. I can believe it, I was one of them and felt much I couldnt understand. I understnad it wasnt my fault for what my parents did.
The thing that hurt the most is the tramatic experience I endured shortly before my parents split. I can remember as if it were yesterday. sometimes I pretend it is not there knowing a carry a scar that needs more the tender loving care. In my mind I want to erase it and pretend it is not there so I dont have to remember it.
In the last 6 months to a year I have been seeking counseling, it help some but i feel that counseling is not going to help the spiritual parts that need fixing. Dealing with childhood problems at an adult level is more than challenging because I kept it inside and didnt let people know I was angry until I figured out why I was angry. I am under the impression that is why I didnt get help because I didnt know myself at the time.
I often say to myself I hope I dont turn out like my real father, I dislike this part about him, I used to look up to him as a little girl because I wanted to be like him in some way. I know that my father doesnt come to see me as an adult because I feel he puts his life first and that it is more important than me. If that is how he wants it then I guess there is nothing I can do. I have done all the writing and calling and I get nothing in return. When I do talk to him I find that I wind up having tiptoe around him because he doesnt want to talk about somethings, especially my mother.
I hate the thought of giving up on him because it is not what I was taught as a teenager and even as a Catholic-Christian, I doubt I could. I am upset about the combination of things. mostly because my real father missed important events and because he lied to my face. I can only imagine what he would do to someone or if he changes so no one will notice.
It is weird because my step dad are really close, he is having problems with his daughter and somehow some of that makes us close, but because he treats me better than my real dad, in a way I feel like I am replacing my real dad. I call my step dad, Dad
I find it troubling because I dreamed that my parents would be together forever and I would grow up like a normal teenager and then go off to college and get married. sometimes it doesnt seem real and I am hoping to wake up from this dream that I cant make sense of. In reality it is not a dream even though I hope it is. I did go to college and get married. I want to think my real father replaced himself with my step father because of his lack of communication. I would hate to think the comment of not having a relationship with me since I was born doesnt it mean what I hope it doesnt means. I cant imagine it can get any better and if it does I hope it happens before it is too late.
I would love any feed back if this gets read. I am sure some of you out there have been through something similiar if not the same thing. If you havent still give your two cents.
Age:
22-25
,
Female
