My Life For Yeah..

Two years ago, I was in a car accident. My mom and I were needing to be somewhere, different place, but at the same time. I told her I would be nice and drive her over since she never really liked to drive in the traffic. We were having a great conversation, laughing, and just having fun. But all of a sudden, there was a car that came out of no where and hit us. When I woke up I was in the hospital. I was fine, but I had a few cuts and bruises. My whole family was in my room waiting for me to wake up. My dad, three sisters, and my twin brothers. They were all crying. I didn't understand at first so I told them I was fine and they didn't need to cry. But what I didn't realize, is that my mom wasn't okay at all. In fact, she had died on the spot when the car hit..

When they were explaining this to me, I didn't know what to think. First off, my dad wouldn't say a word to me. The doctor had to tell me. My oldest sister was right there, holding my hand the whole time. I love her to pieces. :')
When I got home, things were.. different. As it always is after a loved one dies.
My dad started to drink, then became an alcoholic and never really showed up at home much, and my oldest sister was taking care of us more then my dad was.
My dad would come home on occasion drunk, and yell at me. Calling me a worthless piece of **** and good for nothing screw up. One night, I got tired of it and attempted suicide. My sister was there and got me to a hospital before anything tragic happened. I was a mess..

A year and a half after this, my dad came home and started living with us for two weeks. But one night, we were all out of the house except my dad and one of my younger sisters. He was drunk, like always..and when I got back I found her, locked inside her room, crying. When I got in there she was a mess. My dad wasn't there, and I had no idea what was going on.
He had raped/beat her.
MY dad RAPED her. I was so disgusted with him. I cleaned her up as best I could and took her to the hospital. My dad got arrested, and my aunt took us all in, so we had to move.
My sister was so bothered about this, she became extremely depressed..
She quit eating, she was losing too much weight, and she was becoming really weak.
One night, the doctor told us her organs were failing and they didn't know if she would be strong enough to get through the night.
She died that night at 4:36 am.

I can't help but think that all of this is my fault. If the crash would have never happened, my mom and sister would still be here, my dad wouldn't be a drunk and in jail, and I'd most likely be a lot happier.
I just don't know what to do anymore..
:/
But that's my story. To be honest, I feel a bit better, typing all of this out. But, it just kills me. I just, ugh. :/
MusikFreak MusikFreak
18-21, M
Sep 14, 2012