Even If It Kills Me

When things change in my life, even the smallest things, I can find a new song that perfectly relates to the new situation.



Today, I'm feeling 'Even If It Kills Me' by Motion City Soundtrack.



I didn't get to sleep alot lately because of a certain situation that has recently resurfaced in my life, and I've been too tired to move today yet I can't seem to accomplish falling asleep, try as I might. When I do sleep, my dreams haven't been too pleasant lately so it's hard to even feel the need. I'm also done with winter completely, which helps that the line is included in this song, although it also makes sense to me metaphorically. With the line following that, I am a ridiculously stubborn person and have been so angry lately that I wouldn't mind punching the concrete rather than breaking any other possessions in my house and I've seriously considered it many many times though I don't think I have the energy or strength to hit very hard today.

Basically, to sum it up rather than boring you with every relateable detail in my life to this song, it matches me perfectly.

I’ve got a lotta things to do tonight

I’m so sick of making lists

Of things I’ll never finish

I’ve lived here for the last 12 years

Since early 1995 all my **** has been in boxes

But if I had a little more time to kill

I’d settle every little stupid thing

Yeah you’d think that I would



But I’m too tired to go to sleep tonight

And I’m too weak to follow dreams tonight

For the first time in a long time I can say

That I want to try to get better and

Overcome each moment

In my own way



I wonder if I’ll ever lose my mind

I tried hard for awhile

But then I kinda gave up

Winter is a killer when the sun goes down

"I’m really not as stubborn as I seem,"

Said the knuckle to the concrete



But I’m too tired to go to sleep tonight

And I’m too weak to follow dreams tonight

For the first time in a long time I can say

That I want to try to get better and

Overcome each moment

In my own way



I’m not saying that I’m giving up

I’m just trying not to think as much as I used to

Cause "never" is a lonely little messed up word

Maybe I’ll get it right some day

For the first time in a long time I can say

That I want to try

I feel helpless for the most part

But I’m learning to open my eyes

And the sad truth of the matter is

I’ll never get over it

But I’m gonna try

To get better and overcome each moment

In my own way



I so want to get back on track

And I’ll do whatever it takes

Even if it kills me