Post Traumatic Stress Disorder And Depersonalization

Over the last few years I have been fighting with depression and anxiety. I didn't realize that the underlying problem was PTSD until after my first dissociative episode. I was sitting at work and everything just started to seem strange, I couldn't hear the people around me but I was still talking to them and working. I had no control over what I was doing, it was like I was on auto pilot and I was sitting in a chair inside my mind watching what my physical self was doing. It lasted about an hour and the fuzziness slowly returned to normal and I could control what I was doing and saying again. It scared the **** out of me to be honest...but I thought that it was just stress or anxiety, and not to worry about it. After a few more weeks I started to feel very low and depressed, and I started talking to a therapist. She said that my anxiety was possibly due to a bad event in the past. The only really bad thing I have ever been a part of was responding to a helicopter crash, it was 4 days of fishing body parts out of the water. I guess that plus just not dealing with stress could have led to these dissociative episodes. I have had 4 or 5 now, they last between 5 minutes and half a day. After a particularly disturbing episode when I was driving from Pennsylvania back to Rhode island (it was snowing and I drove for hours and hours without really being there) I realized what happened and just how far I had driven and stopped on the side of the road. My heart was pounding out of my chest and I couldn't stop crying. After I gathered myself a little bit I drove to a hospital and they didn't say much, ran some blood tests to make sure it wasn't cardiac related and sent me on my way. I went to talk to my doctor the next week (my main complaint was definitely depression) and she put me on 20mg of celexa to help with anxiety and depression. Since then I have had a few dissociative episodes but they are much shorter and less intense. Also something very strange happened last week I was in my garage moving some stuff, it was about 65 and sunny, a few clouds. I walked out of the garage and I felt a cold breeze and I saw snow falling down, the flakes would disappear just before they fell into my hand, but they looked so real. I stood there for about a minute or two trying to catch the non extant snow, and looked up and saw the sun and the snow disappeared. Everything paused for a second and then seemed normal(ish) again. It was out of this world strangeness...I hope it won't happen again.
ElliotE ElliotE
May 17, 2012