Depression And Thought Of Suicide

I just know I have it, i purchased a at home hiv kit offline, it should be here in a week or so, I just don't know what I'm going to do if it's + I feel like ending it all right now and I don't even know for here's my story,
Back in  may of 2011 my live in boyfriend of 4 years left my and movies  back home, said he just did't love me the same anymore, 2 months goes by and I meet this guy that's a friend of a friend, we hang out a fuw times and one night one thing Leeds to another, right before I ask him if he has any std's and he look shocked that I asked, He said no we then had sex with a condom. Tow or so day go by and we hang out again we've been  drinking one thing Leeds to another again but this time he did not have a condom, he say "come on baby I'll pull out" and stupide ******* drunk me said ok....the next moring I know I had ****** up and after that I stopped talking to him.....2 1/2 week go by it now june 30, 2011 and I get a call form my ex say he so sorry and wants me back, So I move tow state over to be with him.
we got married  bought  are   1st house and every thang has been rainbow and unicorns up until 3mon. Ago i started feel sick and getting headaches, I though I might be pregnant, but test after test was -, then the muscle ache started all over my body and ringing in my ears, so I told my husband about it and he said he was having that  to...I tell my husband I think we might have a std and I tell him about the other guy, he laugh at me and said Im crazy...Tow weeks ago i noticed his eye's had a yellow tint to them on the side and I looked it up(hepatitis) so I tell him and he goes get tested for it...thay called him last friday and told him he has hepatitis C. I ask him do my eye's look yellow he said yes...I get back on the web and it said hep. C is really hard to get sexually unlees you have HIV........oh and i also so have swollen lymph node in both arms and one under my yeah i feel like dying for what I have potentially done to us. 
Stacy88 Stacy88
22-25, F
Sep 13, 2012