Which Type Are You Ladies?

1. Razor bump *****. She’s still experimenting with the best Gillette model. The new razor with five blades caused a surprising amount of irritation.

2. Honda Civic *****. The most common type of *****. Reliable and basic with clean lines.

3. INTJ *****. The clitoris is out just enough to make a pleasant introduction, but she’s not exactly dancing on the bar.

4. *********** *****. Another common ***** type with strong clitoris action. Easy to go down on if you do that sort of thing (I don’t).

5. Vintage **** *****. Humans have long since evolved, so you won’t find a young girl with this ***** anymore.

6. Lazy *****. She’s putting in zero effort with her appearance yet still expects guys to approach her all night. You suspect she alternates between only two “going out” outfits.

7. Spinster *****. This scraggly and worn ***** gave up and is ready for the body attached to it to die.

8. Dog ear in the wind *****. The clitoris flaps around like it has a mind of its own, but trying to understand its movements will only confuse you.

9. Rain drop *****. One more drop of ***** flesh and the surface tension will no longer be able to hold the entire apparatus to her body. I like the clitoris here more than the dog ear in the wind ***** because it’s easier to diddle.

10. ********* *****. Perverted men put it all on the line to score this virginal *****. It’s as pristine as a mountain spring—can you blame them?

11. Predator *****. If you stare at this ***** for 40 seconds, an image of the Predator alien will pop out at you.

12. Big *****. Easy entry/exit, but she won’t feel anything if you’re not well-equipped. She’ll be polite, though, and let out a few token moans at your ineffective thrusts.

13. Experienced *****. This ***** tries to fake but those bumps don’t lie. They act like tree rings and are easily measurable by trained scientists.

14. Social anxiety *****. Awkward body language and tonality. You need a lot of foreplay with this one.

15. Domestic violence *****. The ***** got out of line so the man had to slap it around, leading to a swollen, tender appearance. (That reminds me—what do you say to a girl with a black eye? Answer: ***** I already told you once!)

16. Diarrhea *****. This ***** ate a bad meal from Taco Bell and is now shooting semi-digested pellets into the toilet bowl.

17. Toyota Camry *****. Roomier version of the Honda Civic ***** and more reliable with lower maintenance costs. Bring along a couple of your friends. (Editor’s Note: This is my favorite ***** type. I don’t have time to figure out how ***** works—I just want to hop in and get to my destination as quickly as possible.)

18. Last minute *****. God didn’t decide on the gender of this ***** until the last minute, hence the huge meaty bit that makes penetration extra challenging.

19. Chubby *****. You look at this ***** and are not sure whether to recommend the cookie diet or P90X.

20. Shy *****. More outgoing than social anxiety *****, but her constant silence makes you wonder, “Does she like me? Is she playing games?”

21. Developmentally stunted *****. If they caught the problem early then an endocrinologist could have prescribed a hormone treatment, but unfortunately it’s too late now and what you got is a ***** that is small and under-powered.

22. Used to be fat *****. This ***** has lost so much weight that the remaining skin is flabby and loose like an overripe pear.

23. McMansion *****. You love this ***** in the beginning, bragging to your friends about all the extra storage space it contains, but then once you see your electric bill you wish you bought something more economical.

24. Eagle *****. Wings in the back offer more stability during flight. Graceful, earnest.

25. Interstate highway *****. When they built this ***** it was like a dream to drive on the freshly paved asphalt, but overdevelopment of the surrounding areas has led to intolerable sprawl.

26. Anteater *****. How your grandma’s ***** looks like. Loosening muscle and skin has forced the first couple inches of the vaginal canal to prolapse outside of the body. Grandpa ain’t complaining though… that sly devil.

27. Terminator *****. One of Skynet’s first models. The clitoris has a formidable exoskeleton that will swallow up your **** if you don’t disable the chip first.

28. Turkey *****. Wings, giblet, caruncle, wattle—you got it all here. Starter package comes with special handling instructions and food for the first month.

29. Department store *****. It looked great when you tried it on in the fitting room, but at home it looks a little off. Maybe it’s one size too small?

30. Morbidly obese *****. When this ***** gets sick you need to need to call the special ambulance with the human crane. All hands on deck!
slavelover slavelover
Jan 13, 2013