Running On Borrowed Time And Energy! Help Us!

I'm not quite sure where to go from here. I'm a single mom struggling to make ends meet. I have two children ~ a girl who will be 24 in April and a son that will turn 18 this summer.  I am not perfect nor do I claim to be better than the next person. My story is not much different to many of others out there who happen to read this, although the path and roads I've travelled have been quite long and painful at many times. I am writing not for myself, but to hopefully capture the attention of anyone out there who can offer some support or assistance to my very urgent cause. I've been on this horrendous - never ending roller coaster ride that I would very much like to end and get off of. The ups and downs of this life I've been living has been rapidly becoming more painful and much harder to control. I am sooo ready to get off this ride and the park it sits on.

I didn't become a parent the traditional way where the mommy & daddy get married first, then have a baby when it's planned and financially everything is thumbs up. In fact, when my daughter used to ask if she were a mistake. . .the answer to that was a big fat NO! She had no father growing up, just me. If it hadn't been for her. . .the lifestyle I had started out with would have probably killed me. I left home at age 19 with a big fat chip on my shoulder. Blaming everyone and everything for my shortcomings. As the years progressed I still didn't make very wise choices when it came down to my life. More excuses, more pointing the finger of blame and shame. . .All the while digging a bigger and deeper hole for myself.  Then, having another child for which I convinced myself would solve all my problems and change the man. Insecure and a creature of very low self-esteem - allowing the so-called "friends" to take advantage of my good nature and walk all over me. No matter what a person says to a child. . .Actions speak louder than words.

Trying not to get too detailed about my life story at this present time, for my life story is going to make for good reading some day soon. I plan to have my book ready for my first edit by the end of this year 2010. But for any of my goals and dreams or those of my children to be carried forward, I need to have my basic needs met. I've done the circle through the community resource guide only to end up at the beginning of my search for help. My children are my heart and my reason for being. I made my fair share of mistakes when raising them and take responsibility for outcome of my negligence. My kids have many issues to overcome as well as I do. We can't move forward as a family if we can not  come to terms with the problems and issues we already have before others start piling on top of the others. You can only take care of one thing at a time, but when each issue is just as important as the last, a whirlwind of anxiety & stress, hopelessness & a strong sense of failure comes into motion. 

Over the years, though, I've grown & developed my own way of managing the drama and problems of my life and turned them into learning tools. This technique has given me a great sense of hope and strength for which I've applied it to my every day way of living. Taking responsibility for my own actions and not worrying about the actions of others. Blaming others is not productive what-so-ever. Taking care of whatever I need to do to be the best person and mom I can possibly be. I am just at a place right now where I've become lost and scared. I will be completely homeless by Friday, March 12, 2010. I have no family that can help and only a handful of people I consider to be my friends for which they're situation is similar to mine.

I've worked too long and extremely hard to be the kind of person I am today. I am determined to keep head held high with my strength intact. I'm just not sure for how long I will last before my stability that's holding me up is going to last if some sort of miracle doesn't come along. More importantly the stability and safety of my children. My children need me as much as I need them. Please help us to stay together so I can help my kids before it's too late!

MsTina MsTina
46-50, F
1 Response Mar 11, 2010

I am so sorry to read of your predicament and will pray for you that your situation changes. You didn't say within your writing, but your children are adults and I would hope at 24 and 17 that they are working and helping you keep your head above water and stay in your home.