Why I Despise My Girlfriend’s Mother

Hello, I met an amazing woman last April. We went out and hit it off perfect and now been together for over a year. I plan on marrying this woman but her mom is a pain. She is mean towards her children, says hateful things to them and about me behind my back, never has encouraging words to say, believes that education and money are the only things in life that are important, her youngest son is a sophomore in high school and she has already had him take both the SAT's and Act’s 2 times and prepared a portfolio for college. I know that it is important to prepare but at the same time you have to let children be children. I have noticed in my girlfriend’s sister a lot of the same traits as her mother. They drag my girlfriend down because of her major college and say that it is a waste of time and maybe she needs to rethink her life. And her mom is constantly against me because I am 5 years older than her and I have not graduated college. She has not made an attempt to get to know me or try and see what is going on in my life. She always tells her daughter that she is ruining her life by being with me because I am going to hold her back, when I support her in everything she does. When her mom gets upset with my girlfriend she won’t speak to her face to face, she will write her a nasty email or letter and send it to her, even though their bedrooms are 10 feet from each others. She can't listen to reason, she does nothing wrong, it is always someone else’s fault. My girlfriend is an amazing person with a neat personality and it pains me to see this. When she goes back home from college for the summer she starts to hate herself and tries to push me away because she says all she does is screw up. It tears me up inside when she gets down like this. But as long as she is around her mother it always happens. Her dad is a nice guy and thank god she takes more after him then her mom. But her dad is a pawn in her mother’s game, he does not go against his wife and never speaks out, he pretty much does what his wife tells him. So when she is at home she has no backing when her mom comes up with some off the wall reason to be pissed at her. And god forbid she needs money for school, they make over 100,000 dollars a year but they don't help her pay tuition. They did get a place for her and her sister to stay so that does help. But her parents don't want them to work during school so the only time they get to make money for tuition is the summer and Christmas time. If she ends up asking for money her mom again goes off on her and makes her feel like dirt. She gets no emotional support from her mom; I am the only one that truly believes in her. But I don't know what to do. When she gets upset she gets irrational and I am at a loss for words. I hate this and I want her mom to realize what she is doing is wrong. She has an emotional disorder that probably needs medication but she is way too good for that. She is Miss perfect, has master’s degree and had a 4.0 according to her in college so her kids better do the same. It is ridiculous, my girlfriend got a D one time and her mom lost it, yelled at her nonstop over and hour then wanted to kick her out of house. She has never stopped bringing that up for over 5 months now. Whenever her mom gets upset about something she does not let it go, she is still bringing something up that happened a year ago. I wish there was more I can do, can anyone help?
j303 j303
22-25, M
4 Responses May 22, 2007

Hi. Thank you for being so supportive for your girlfriend. Your situation sounds like mine, but I am the girlfriend with the irrational mother. I am 27 and I can't see my boyfriend if she is not in the mood for me going out. She controls my dad and I like it is her full time job! I have gone against her wishes and she makes it so miserable for me that I have a horrible time when I'm out. I feel like my boyfriend can't understand how hard it is to live like this. He is very supportive overall, but when it gets really bad I just lose all control and I think that he thinks I am crazy. I just want to thank you for being a great boyfriend. She will remember how much you helped her through these difficult times and it will make your relationship stronger.

earn more than 70000 per year, then proudly invite your GF to live with you, and tell her mom now she can **** off from you and your GF's live.

thank god she has you, thats all i can say.

Maybe you should bring this up to the father. Let him know that she needs support from home because she is getting some serious emotional problems. If her dad wants what is best for her, then he better do something before she gets depressed to the point that she does not want to live anymore. It could get that bad. And your girlfriend needs to set up some boundaries with her mother. She has to look after herself. But I think the father needs to step up and do something. He may regret it later. Hope you guys find a way to get away from her mother. Unless her mother changes she should have no contact.