I Didn't Get the Memo Either!!!!

Oh my gosh!  You can't know how HAPPY I was reading this story of yours!  I SWEAR, you could have been describing me!!  I've had all the same problems you've described with jobs.  Have even had a BUNCH of different kinds.  And, I always find a way to **** them up, even when I'm honestly trying my hardest!!  And, the boredom?!?  Oh, lord, if I get bored, it's over...unless I can find a way to make it challenging and interesting for myself.  For example, I worked at this factory once (NOT my cup of tea but, I've worked at several through the years.)  They manufactured stuff like motor oil.  It was an assembly job.  (HOW MUCH MORE BORING CAN THAT **** BE???)  But, I needed the money.  My family was hungry.  So, I showed up there every day at the ***-crack of dawn and I did my job.  I found a line that I "liked."  The reason I liked it was cuz it was a small line and I could control the speed at which stuff was coming through to me.  That was my challenge.  That's how I stayed interested.  I'd just keep pushing and pushing myself on that line to go faster and faster until, it was going TOO fast to shrink the wrap correctly (it was a shrink-wrapping line, obviously.)  So, they had to turn it down to a setting that wouldn't melt the wrap to hell.  And, that's when it was over for me. I tried other lines, tried challenging myself more but, it was over.  It was a temp job and they so badly wanted to hire me perm. but, I left....onto the next challenge.

I've been going to college off and on since my son was born (nineteen years ago.)  I went to a couple community colleges for the bulk of that time but, a few years ago, decided to get into a major university.  I, like you, have signed up for MANY semesters that I was unable to complete because I'm just so DAMN dysfuncitonal.  I'm almost always on academic probation and in danger of losing all my financial aid but, I don't quit.  I WON'T quit!!!  The classes I do complete, I do VERY well in.  I, like you, write and have been taking lots of english/writing classes.  Even though I think of myself as such a loser for not being able to be normal, I ALWAYS receive HIGH praises (from people with doctorates) on my writing!!  (Imagine that!!)

I feel so much pressure all the time to "fit in," to approach life and DO it, like everyone else!  I envy people who appear to be able to do life so easily...pay their bills on time, achieve longevity and security in their lives.  But, **** it.  I'm me.  You're you.  It's our world, too!  I've learned to appreciate the talents I have and to find a way to make them work for me.  To solve the "boredom with structure and limitations" problem, I'm right now trying to start my own business.....photography & graphic design.  I'm not even official, yet (the business) but, I'm already making some money!!  And, I make my own schedule!  I answer to no one (except for the clients, of course) but, I get to work with people and do something I'm really good at.  I get to provide a product that is lasting and worthwhile...my work will be hanging on the walls of peoples' homes for years to come!  And, I'll never be rich.  The business may not ever be super (financially) successful, but, it's fulfilling.....and challenging!  AND, I get to put a piece of myself in what I do!!

I also started teaching myself to play guitar about a year ago, since I sing and thought I may be able to make a little money with my voice if I had an instrument to put behind it and didn't have to split whatever money I'd make with a band.  I'm not that great at the guitar yet but, I play good enough to be able go up to some of the local dive-bars and play for people....they like me!!  They give me money without me even asking!  And, I've made a deal with one of the bar owners...if I can get enough people to come and see me play, he'll slide me some of the profits!!

I'll never give up on my degree but, while I'm here, I'm still making an indelible impression on this Earth!  And, NO society doesn't accept met.  Society doesn't believe that I'm "successful."  But, again **** EM!!

You can learn to work with your limitations.  It doesn't make us failures, it just makes us individuals and, thank GOD for that because most PEOPLE nowadays seem to be cut into lines and lines of monotonous cookie-cutter shapes!  You can be happy!  You just have to give yourself permission to be who you are!!  Write something everyday....ANYthing!  If you're good at it, DO it!!  You can never become a writer if you don't write.  I've got a bunch of differentn stuff started.  I'd LOVE to make films...one day...but, listen..."one day" doesn't HAVE to mean:  "one day when I've become formally trained and am therefore worthy of entering the field."  "One day" could be next month, when you've saved up the money to go out and buy a little video camera and some editing software.  And, it doesn't HAVE to be a film that ultimately makes it to Regal Cinemas of the Sundance Film Festival.  You will be leaving a part of you on the planet....

Never say never!!!  STay open to everything.  Give yourself a break!!  You're nto alone, brother!!!  I'm here!!!

MysticWriter MysticWriter
36-40, F
3 Responses Sep 20, 2006

"Cookie cutter shapes" LOLOL!!! You described about 99.9% of the human race, with the same short hair...black and stuck up with goop to no hair at all. BRAVO!!!

I really like your attitude. A lot of the things you've done are similar to what I've done. And I didn't get the memo either. You seem to believe in yourself and what you are doing and I think that the memo probably mentions that.

Bravo, my friend, bravo. I'm with you on sticking to your dream. Keep on writing and stay the course because your greatest success is what YOU appreciate about your creativity, not what Joe Blow accross the street or sister Susie thinks. Good luck my man and I hope to read your book someday.....