Why Did This Happen?

I was married for more than half my life. My husband started shutting me out, only talking during dinner than off to his computer. The more I tried to talk to him and get him to tell me what was wrong the more he tuned me out. Finally one day he says if your so damn unhappy I will file for divorce. So what was I suppose to do sit there and be ignored for the rest of my life? I granted him the divorce I suspect he had wanted for a long time. I think he had a girlfriend and thought that life would be greener on the other side (single). For me I had to give up everything I had and I'm still miserable. I expected to be with this man till the day I die now I'm not sure what I'm suppose to do.
mystified340 mystified340
51-55, F
4 Responses Jan 18, 2013

All of us who are left behind have the same questions. Its all we are left with, when the ones we loved and thought we knew turn into strangers. There is nothing we can do, but grieve as if they have died. We will never understand those who take what we build over years and destroy it for momentary freedoms and pleasures. I wish you and all the rest of us the ability to heal quickly.

I am a man..54 years old...It is really the mid life crisis...he just want out...a new fling and fiorget his responsibilities...to love and cherish the pretty girl who has turned old and haggard thru the strain of child birth,bringing up the children esp. boys( usually no daughters) for better...they have taken all...for worse...they have forgotten all...Just remind him of this and let him be...talk to your children,or help someone online or volunteer your service in the church.God will make a way. If there is renewal of vows seminar, get him to attend thru friends!(I chose to renew my love for my wife...I chose to make her happy...rather than other ladies who haven't sacrifice for me!}..but your husband might not...so it is better to learn to love him less and others more!!!

Dear Mystified340,
I understand the pain you are going through. My husband started new behaviors prior to filing for divorce. Started hanging out with new younger, prettier people, drinking, and staying out late frequently. I believe he is going through a mid-life crisis. Since he filed, he has just been so happy and can not understand why I have been so sad. Like your situation, I think he is thinking the grass is greener on the other side. In my situation, he no longer has to be a family man, no family responsibilities, and no longer and full time father to our daughter. It has been a very lonely time for me, losing my best friend of 17 years, husband of 9 years all in one night. It's devastating. I also lost a part of me being able to trust people completely because I trusted him wholeheartedly with my life and he shattered that trust. I can only say just stay strong. That's what I keep telling myself. Surround yourself with family and friends and just remember to breathe. I had the very same expectations that you had that when you married, you married for life. Love yourself and be good to yourself. Believe that there is better in store for you even though we would all love to be able to see what's in store :-) I wish you the best and stay strong.

Oh mystified im in a simular place been married almost 30 years. with him over half my life . Im in so much pain i just dont know what to do. i have been a home maker most of that time I have no skill to get a job, how do i live without him i always told him that i would have to die before him cause i couldnt survive without him and i dont know how i will survive. i cry all the time my heart is so shattered. I hope you the best of luck. the death of a marriage is hard. the devastation. Try to be strong. God promises to not give us more than we can handle . I have so many tell me all this too it is still so hard.