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I Did Not Want This Divorce.

I was married 15 years. I had it all but was to blind to see it. I never had to worry about anything. Bills where taken care of, minus mine. I worked for a hobby at the clinics. I had two beautiful boys at this time.
My husband was gone a lot on weekends, I was always home with the kids. I felt he was walking on me, and all in all I had an affair .Something I never would have thought I would have done. EVER!! My husband found out. He was heart broken, he took me back. But on the flip-side he was not such a saint himself. He worked for the airlines, so I had heard storys about him. I can not confirm if they are true or not. To make a very long crazy shory short, 3 years ago I knew something was wrong he was stating he was going out with the guys on the weekend with the sleds, I found silk boxes in his bag he would take. Now i'm thinking he is seeing someone or he is swinging the other way.
I watched for awhile, he grew more distant, right after christmas and New Years of 2010. I got his bank statement, Roses at such and such place I called, and the lady actually gave me his girlfriends information. I stated I was calling to confirm that my husband send out a mutual friend of ours roses. I had what I needed to confront him.
He went crazy, due to the fact he was caught. Low and behold I wanted counseling for us. I thought what I had done was wrong, and now him. In a sick way I thought now we can start fresh, I guess a eye for a eye. He did leave me for his girlfriend that is 11 years older then me. He is still with her. I have moved on slowly but I still think to much about it. Threw my divorce I was a train wreck I looked great on the outside better then ever, but on the inside I was a mess!! I found myself pregnant 2 days after my divorce, not from my x-husband but another man I had met. I know how things happen. I just was not in a good frame of mind, and I was down to 100 lbs, that my doc removed the IUD I had had, due to the hormones and my rapid 20 lb weight loss. I now have a beautiful daughter that will be two tomorrow on Feb 10. I like to think something was taken away from me, and replaced my her my angel. I guess all in all. I like to compete with him, with the kids, buying things. He has a excellend job mine is o.k. so financially I get myself into messes, he buys a truck, I run and buy a new car. I swear my common sense go's right out the door when it comes to him. I still can't trust other men. I can not give another man my heart, when my heart is still stuck in the past. I need to get over it. I don't know how. Any advice I will take. (Will I ever get over it.?)
cprincess3 cprincess3 36-40, F 1 Response Feb 9, 2013

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U will dont worry.....Many people face more harder problems on their life...considr this relationship as a stepping stone of ur life..Take care