Feel Guilty!!!

I have been seeing a vanilla guy for a while now - I am submissive and all of my recent relationships have been D/s in nature...but I fell for this guy and decided to try it...I knew that I was giving up a lot but he has been trying to understand me and what I need. He will never dominate me though - and I miss that...and he will never understand the very deep connection between a sub and her Dom.

I have a Dom friend - I met him before I met vanilla guy and was very attracted to him - wanted to sub to him but he never seemed interested. I was open with him about the vanilla relationship and we have remained friends. A few days ago he gave me an order which I followed without thinking...we talked afterwards and he said that he would be happy to be my Dom - that he wanted us to work towards a full time relationship but that I needed to decide what I wanted. Since then I have been submitting to him...he has taken a lot of control and I have opened up a lot with him...there has been no physical cheating involved.

Last night he told me that I should just give the vanilla relationship a chance - that he still wanted to be my Dom but that he thought I was afraid of trying vanilla because I am afraid I will like it. And today he is not talking to me...won't answer his phone or reply to messages.

I feel in a way devastated. I know that I should never have started anything with him while I was with my current boyfriend. I decided to try vanilla and I should have stayed with it - but it was so easy to submit to him - I trust him and I care for him...and I missed being dominated...I needed to be controlled.

I know that if I leave my boyfriend that he will take me on as his sub - but i love my boyfriend and i don't want to hurt him...at the same time I don't know if i can live in a vanilla relationship.

Should I tell my boyfriend that I submitted to someone else....should I look at the possibility that vanilla isn't for me and end things now rather than later. I don't know what to do for the best.  I feel so bad right now.

Flugelblues Flugelblues
31-35, F
6 Responses Feb 13, 2009

Hmmm - if you had actually read the story or the comments you would see that I am submissive - not dominant. And the story was written at a time when I was really struggling with my true nature...its over a year old. Am now very content with my submissive nature.

This may sound rather crude, but here goes. If you don't already have a pet; let me recommend a therapy dog. Dogs absolutely love being dominated. Save all your domineering attitude for your dog and then see where that leaves you when you get around to having a relationship with a man.

I am afraid that in the long run I will end up hurting him more than if I ended things now...I worry that I cannot live without submitting...it is a part of who i am and it is very important to me.

I am sorry you feel badly. Are you saying you want a Dom and a vanilla relationship combined? Is that impossible to find? I know you don't want to hurt vanilla, and to not be true to yourself and to him, will only do so in the long run. I hope you find peace in the choice you make.

Thats what I am worried about - he is a great guy...and I am not sure if I am still with him because he is someone that cares or if it is because he is who I want to be with forever...can I ever overcome this need to submit - or can we reach a middle ground where we are both happy...I don't know. <br />
<br />
I do know that I miss my Dom friend today - I miss him being in control...I miss the connection I had/have with him.<br />
<br />
And I don't know if I should confess or not.

i still dont really understand the whole dom, sub thing babe but i do think that something has to be lacking in your current relationship for you to even be looking outside. just remember your vanilla guy is not really going to change but so much and if you already feel like you are missing something you are always going to feel like that. you really have to gauge if he is enough for you now before its too late and too far gone.