I Regret

Ever since i was a young child i always knew that i was different until third grade i was the only african american student in my class and i always felt alone because there was no one els that looked like me. i use to think that something was wrong with me because me skin was not pale and white like the other kids my skin was a light brown color (i'm not mixed if that's what ur thinking). Also as a child i was very flamboyant and girly. the other guys in the class never connected with me and i never connected with them they were very nice to me (included me in sports invited me to birthday parties and sleep overs) but i always felt awkward around them because i found some of them attractive. at this point i didn't know about gay, straight, bisexual so i kept my feelings a secret until 2nd grade.
- i was at a friends house for a sleep over and when it was time to go to sleep i slept on the floor but when his mother turned the lights out i crawled in the bed with him. he didn't mind and we stayed up talking for a while. i don't remember how we got on the subject but we started talking about sex what we knew about sex at this point i don't remember but that night i made some choices that i can never take back. i think that it was me who asked but i think i said something like "can boys have sex?" he obviously didn't know and i got curios. so i don t know why but i took my pants off and my shirt off and was completely naked and then my friend did the same and we just layed there for a while and looked at each others bodies using a flashlight. i then told him to kiss me and he did after he kissed me we put our pajamas back on and went to sleep. I just remembered the moment when i was talking to him on fb and he asked me "do you remember what we did in second grade?" the memory came back and i wish that that night i had slept on the floor and never gotten into bed with him. but i did and we did so i am trying to forgive myself for what i did with him because forgiveness is the first step in recovering.
- this was the first incident and there were many others that followed and i regret them so much and i wished that they never happened but i was just so curious as a child and i couldn t control myself. i would go back and change those moments in a heart beat but we don t have that kind of technology yet but when we do i will definitely be first in line to use it.
blue17dancer blue17dancer
2 Responses Nov 25, 2012


Act, there's nothing to regret to. On that times, you was still a kid with full of curiousity, if you just find it wrong and shouldn't be repeated, so stop ! We learn from mistakes .