'Acting Out' -disturbed Behaviour

When I was a child my behaviour ranged from being like a statue, to being very violent and attention-seeking. I had some very strange ideas to do with sex. It still surprises me that so little was done to correct this, by teachers/social workers/psychologists. They seemed only interested in blaming and punishing me.

My Attention Seeking Behaviour: I started do things that drew attention to me and the bizarre life I wanted out of. I did not even realise what I was doing i just did really odd stuff for a little kid. I was often cruel. I was pretty convinced by the age of eleven, that I was completely crazy.

I had bizarre daydreams from at least as young as seven, which would be about not just escape, but also really odd cruel things. Because I had no understanding of what was being done to me I had the idea that it was just my pain that other people were enjoying. Most of the time it was just my pain that people were enjoying. The bullies at school, the teachers at school, they just wanted to see me suffer. My father just wanted to make me suffer. All I could see was their motives was enjoyment of cruelty, and so I used to escape to those places, and imagine doing terrible cruel things to other people, to make my own reality go away..

This led to some very disturbed behaviour just 'happening for no reason'. Stuff just popped out of my brain into my actual behaviour. I was only a child though so how could I have known any better? I was born innocent like everyone else. I was not mad or bad. I was a normal child responding predictably to an abnormal environment.

There has been talk in the UK about dropping the legal age of 'criminal consent' to EIGHT. That means eight-year-olds would be held accountable for crimes. I do not agree with this, a child who exhibits disturbed behaviour needs to be treated with some sympathy not punished as a criminal, made to identify themselves as a criminal and made to feel guilty. IMHO.

demonizd demonizd
31-35, M
6 Responses Feb 14, 2009

i dont think that your very strange considering what you have been through. i was mollested by my brother from age 7 to almost 10 and afterwards i had some realy weird ideas. stuff that most people, people that had never been through anything like that, could possibly concieve of. i have read many of your stories and i do relate to many of them. Thank you for posting this. Forgive me if im wrong but you still seam depressed and down about your life. It has taken me almost 9 years to start living and stop psychoanylyzing my past but i am finally starting to. I have faith that one day youll wake up and you will be able to say **** you to all the people that messed up your life and then just move on. People like you and i cant change the past but we can change who we become in the future. We have to make sure we dont become like the people who detroyed us. Once again thanks for posting. :)

I was a bit p'd off when I responded to Wyn.. I will always disagree on this view because it means I still have a long prison sentence I should have done and I have never been sufficiently punished. Of course I couldn't be helped because I wouldn't even talk. I'd write more but this is bringing me down.. sorry.<br />
I wish I'd deleted this now. I don't want you to see me in this light. You mean a lot to me.. I just wish I'd never brought this up now. I don't want you to distrust me.

The way in which the justice system treats children is wrong in many other ways as well...<br />
I read a story recently and it made me throw the paper across the room in disgust and sadness.<br />
<br />
An eight year old is a child. They are not even fully formed mentally, so why condemn them like that? I understand wynhaven's take on this, but I think that a child should be treated as such and not given the treatment of an adult. An adult would know better and therefore hold more responsibility in their actions.

Well that's great.

Thankyou for your comments. I don't understand the first half of your comment, sorry PUP:/ <BR>Yes, I am certainly very depressed, have been since very young. I was made to think that everything was my fault and that I was some sort of evil child. I was asked a lot of confusing questions by a lot of psychologists and I just got the idea that I was crazy, evil and worthless; and could never be redeemed.

Does anybody think that he was responding to experiences in a past life? There are those that say negative souls/actions come back in the next life. Depression most likely came about for this person and I agreee should have been treated properly. I'm sorry that your father was awful to you.