At That Age

I had almost 10 years, my mother had cancer and I had to stay home with her and take care of her all alone. I got my first bike, my mom was sleeping so I taught I'll go out and make a round with the bike. When I came home, my mother was nervous, I saw that she was smashed in the head. She shouted at me, that if I wouldn't have gone out just stayed there it wouldn't have happened. I was very scared, her head was bleeding, she was in a situation that she couldn't even stand up alone, but she had to go to the bathroom, and she called for me, and I wasn't there for her. A little while later, in December she passed away, and of course I felt very guilty, I taught that she passed away sooner because she fell then. I couldn't talk about this incident until last year's summer, when I was in a camp with my cousin whom I became close to in that summer, so I told her. She told me plenty times that it wasn't my fault and I did what I taught it was right. And now I'm starting to realize and accept the truth. It "ate" my life too long, I couldn't sleep, every night I was crying.

I understood that she was nervous because she didn't want me to see her in that condition, that me as her daughter had to help her if she wanted to do anything at all, I can't imagine what a pain it could be, I respect her as I can.

Well it definitely made me stronger, her death made me in a way.
Now every day I smile, because I know she forgave me long ago what happened.
annakovecsi annakovecsi
13-15, F
Sep 25, 2012