I wish I knew about my brain chemistry, or the “lack of it”. Depression has been on my mind, so to speak, for many years. At times, it has wasted much of my energy, because it is tiring trying to hide it and tiring trying to fight it. Half my life, I was uncertain of what it was, or whether there was anything unusual about it anyway. It is not until I was able to give it a name (depression) did the symptoms seem abnormal to me. When I was younger, I felt that it might be part of any ordinary life. The buckets of tears, loss of concentration, loss of interest in life, loss of sleep, disturbed or excessive appetite, anxiety, overpowering sense of  unworthy, self-loathing, unfeeling of pleasure, or even to seek it, reclusive withdrawal, thoughts of death and so on may have just be life, I was not sure, and in doubt for years.
blueguy blueguy
51-55, M
2 Responses Dec 25, 2006

i felt all the symptoms of depression for abou 2months before my friends suggested depression, the symptoms just got worse everyday and i'd develop new symptoms, like every week! i have not been to see a doctor as i'm scared that he'll also say i have an eating disorder, as many people have, but i don't think i have, or maybe i don't want to admit it, but its all too scary. Plus i have exams in like 7weeks and this just doesnt help anything, i am gaining back my concentration most of the time but other times its just too much effort!<br />
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xxxx

I totally feel exactly where you're coming from. I went to the doctor for dizziness about three weeks ago and the question came up about depression. They asked me if I was depressed and for how long it has been going on. I stated four years and that I haven't seen anyone for it. It is something that I don't really like discussing with anyone because it is so embarrassing and it seems as if no one understands. As a result of my depression, I've lost weight that I didn't really need to lose and can't seem to gain any of it back. So now everybody that sees me says "You're so little." I hate that more than anything. I'm scared to death to go see a doctor for it, but I know I need to because if it gets any worse, I will probably be hospitalized for it.