How Could I Have Known

He was a bronc rider, thrice a marine.  I moved in with my cowboy.  Six months later I walked in on him wearing my red negligee.  I sat down next to him, although my heart pounding in my chest, and asked him to explain. He introduced himself as Jessica.  I stayed with my man for the following year, taking us to support groups, allowing his exploration.  I however, without his knowledge in that I didn't want to hurt him, cried every single day for the loss of my  man.  Eventually he escalated into dressing often and wanting breast implants.  I always treating him with dignity and respect.  When Jessica undressed into David, he often became abusive of me, twice sending me to a shelter.  He blamed me that Jessica came out of the closet.  When she did, she put me in one.  I have no one to talk to about this.  Brokenheartedly I left my he/she three months ago.  I can't seem to get over this experience.  I've nightmares, hives, and cry alot.  I miss my man.  How did I miss that he was really a woman?  Can I trust my perceptions with another man? What does that say about me that I attracted a woman?  What more could I have done?  Will I ever get over this?  What about this has caused me so much grief? 

ntoto2 ntoto2
51-55, F
2 Responses Mar 23, 2009

I would think I would be in permanent shock.And just left right then and there..But then again who knows for sure unless it happens to them.But your story did bring to mind something that I have not thought about in years.In school there was this boy who wanted to date me and I wasn't really interested I was more interested in my grades and athletics at that time..He was to the point of harassing me..Finally I had enough and said fine I'll go to the movies with you..But you have to back off a little...He didn't so I just started to ignore him as nicely as possible..School ended ,time goes by now we're in high school..Now this young man comes up to me again and we start talking with a group of mutual friends...But something just seemed so different so I said to him something seems so different what happened...His response was I guess you didn't know ..Know what..I'm gay silly was his response...My jaw dropped and I just stood there and all my friends started laughing..We got along great after that..But it threw me for one hell of a loop.My insides twisted every time some one joked that it was my fault he turned gay..Even thought they were really messed with my head...being at a young age.TY for your story I can't believe it brought that out of me..Whew...I never talked about that really before now.

hugggsss so sadd