I Didn't Love Someone the Way They Loved Me
Now, I don't consider myself to be much of a catch as far as relationships go. I know that might seem a little pathetic, but I'm being realistic. I'm intelligent, but have not achieved much in this world. I have a ****** career, never owned a house or new car, can't even afford to pay for my son's University. I am quick-tempered, a little self-centred at times, and not always an attentive partner when in a relationship. I have been in several long term relationships, the last one lasting 13 years, and have been "dating" for the last 18 months.
My last two girlfriends fell "madly" in love with me, and my ex of 13 years will not give up her pursuit of me.
So, given my poor self-image, I know there's something good within me for the last two women to feel the way they do about me. And I really enjoyed their company, but never felt love for them the way they felt it. Sometimes I wonder if I can "feel" anything anymore after emotional damage from previous relationships (that's another set of stories to tell). While dating these two women, I knew early on that I didn't feel the way they did, and felt I should end it. I enjoyed the feeling of being needed, and having someone tell me they loved me. I know it was selfish, even though I made sure they knew how I did, or didn't feel. But both ended badly, as I don't break up with women easily, and they both took it badly. The last one was so angry, she destroyed some of my stuff, and threatened me in numerous ways. She says I used her, even though I never lied about my feelings or lack of. I know she was hurt, but I thought truly loving someone was unconditional, and didn't require having the feelings returned? Do I just attract the needy, desperate types that are badly looking to "fall" in love? The last girlfriend "fell" for me on the second date, the one before her within a week! Both are single mom's, financialy bad off, so I don't know how much that has to do with it. One of them used to grill me almost daily, demanding I "admit" I was falling for her. I just wanted to find a friend, someone to hang out with, share some time with, and get to know. I'm not ready for love again, not just yet. I'm not sure if I ever will again. I do know when it happens, it will hit me like a ton of bricks, unexpected and wonderful. And I look forward to it....
In the meantime I've been scared off the the whole dating concept, because of the last two experiences. It hurt them both, I don't want to be the cause of their pain. I was honest with them, but let it drag on too long both times....
I'm sorry..
When I was younger, having a friend who was girl was easy, and I had all sorts, getting "lucky" was certainly more of a challenge.
Now at 46, I get more than my share, so to speak, when I feel the need. Yet, finding a female friend, who accepts that friendship without conditions, and is content with just being friends, has proven to be quite the challenge. For me to find love again, I need to find a friendship that grows, not the pressure of someone "falling madly in love with me".
My last two girlfriends fell "madly" in love with me, and my ex of 13 years will not give up her pursuit of me.
So, given my poor self-image, I know there's something good within me for the last two women to feel the way they do about me. And I really enjoyed their company, but never felt love for them the way they felt it. Sometimes I wonder if I can "feel" anything anymore after emotional damage from previous relationships (that's another set of stories to tell). While dating these two women, I knew early on that I didn't feel the way they did, and felt I should end it. I enjoyed the feeling of being needed, and having someone tell me they loved me. I know it was selfish, even though I made sure they knew how I did, or didn't feel. But both ended badly, as I don't break up with women easily, and they both took it badly. The last one was so angry, she destroyed some of my stuff, and threatened me in numerous ways. She says I used her, even though I never lied about my feelings or lack of. I know she was hurt, but I thought truly loving someone was unconditional, and didn't require having the feelings returned? Do I just attract the needy, desperate types that are badly looking to "fall" in love? The last girlfriend "fell" for me on the second date, the one before her within a week! Both are single mom's, financialy bad off, so I don't know how much that has to do with it. One of them used to grill me almost daily, demanding I "admit" I was falling for her. I just wanted to find a friend, someone to hang out with, share some time with, and get to know. I'm not ready for love again, not just yet. I'm not sure if I ever will again. I do know when it happens, it will hit me like a ton of bricks, unexpected and wonderful. And I look forward to it....
In the meantime I've been scared off the the whole dating concept, because of the last two experiences. It hurt them both, I don't want to be the cause of their pain. I was honest with them, but let it drag on too long both times....
I'm sorry..
When I was younger, having a friend who was girl was easy, and I had all sorts, getting "lucky" was certainly more of a challenge.
Now at 46, I get more than my share, so to speak, when I feel the need. Yet, finding a female friend, who accepts that friendship without conditions, and is content with just being friends, has proven to be quite the challenge. For me to find love again, I need to find a friendship that grows, not the pressure of someone "falling madly in love with me".
By:
Goju46
Age:
46-50
