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Test Drive

I didn't wait until I was married to have sex.  I did wait until I was sure I was in love, and until I was with somebody who wanted the same things from having sex - on the same page as me relationship wise.  I could have slept with a guy I thought I loved but who I knew didn't really love me, but who I hoped might - Im thankful I didn't because it would have scarred me deeply.  I made the right decison under my particular circumstances.

I didn't have alot of thoughts about being a virgin until marriage - I don't remember thinking it was much of a big deal actually.  What concerned me the most was that I was completly inexperienced while my boyfriend had slept with a few people - girls I had met and didn't think much of if Im honest.  I also was worried that he didn't really want me all that much, that he respected me TOO much in a way - because we had been best friends before we got together - I wanted to know that he lusted for me just as much as he loved, respected and cared for me etc etc.

I think sexual compatibility is an incredibly important part of a relationship - if you hope to get married and to have a marriage that lasts then your understanding (or lack thereof) of the sexual needs of your partner can contribute to your life long happiness (or unhappiness).  We take cars for test drives, we have 30day money back offers on home exercise equipment - things far less important than marriage.  It just makes good sense to try before you buy when it comes to sex.

In favour of waiting however is the risks you take every time you sleep with some one.  Condoms, the pill - all have failure rates.  Its important, I think, to consider the risks before you go there - thats why the older you are I think the better - a young adult of 16 might be physically mature, but not emotional mature to deal with the potential results.  Even a one night stand, at least get a name and number - what if he's the father of your child?  What if she has herpes but doesn't know it just yet?  Maybe the answer isn't waiting until marriage - but waiting until you have the maturity to keep your head in control of your hormones might be - in the event of a little surprise.

jellibeanz jellibeanz 26-30, F 6 Responses Feb 6, 2011

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nice story. this kind of stuff really varies depending on the person and their backgrounds. but sometimes, even a rind and marriage isn't promising, what if the wife 'loses it' on her wedding night, has kids..but then a few years later the husband wants a divorce, or maybe he cheats and has an affair? you never know what is gonna happen. that's why I pay more attention to actions than words......and besides sometimes we have to have some crappy experiences before we do find the person right for us. life is crazy that way.

Ok, I have to disagree with you on this one. I will definitely not 'try before I buy' when it comes to sex, because that isn't what love is. Giving my body to someone who isn't going to work to take care of it is not an option. Being in love isn't always the best reassurance to use when choosing to have sex with someone, but saying that you are engaged is. I just feel like a guy has not earned sex until he promises to take care of you and your children, until he moves heaven and earth to be with you forever, and don't tell me that there is no guy like that, because my mother and father are a living testimony of waiting till marriage. What if you have sex with a man and then find out you hate the guy! Well, you just gave away something you could have given to your husband... all of you.

I would never say there was no guy like that, and I know that no sex before marriage works for some people. Being engaged doesn't always mean anything though - and people do come to hate the person they have married. I think its better to stay true to your own personal feelings but don't draw a line in the sand - emotions don't deal in absolutes and life is not a straight forward path. I wasn't trying to tell anyone how to live their life with this story - I would never presume. If you feel that waiting is right for you then do that - I just don't think its realistic to make a life long commitment without being aware of each others sexual needs and desires. You don't necessarily have to have gone all the way to do that - but you at the very least need to have a clear and open dialogue.

Way to go. You have a good head on your shoulders.

Thank you :)

YES, great sex is no accident . . . or something like that ; }

Thanks :)

nice story ;)