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Given For Lust

No I did not wait until marriage to share that special part of myself to a man... I wasnt even in love him, but at the time, I thought I was... I was 18, his name was Ryan... Before I go on a little background on me... I hadnt even thought about sex all my friends couldnt believe I was still a virgin... I just wasnt focused on boys... I was quite, shy, blushed a lot around men. My first kiss was in junior high, but I didnt kiss anyone else, go to first, second, third base, nothing until I met Ryan, hell I didnt even **********.... Anyway I met him through a friend of a friend I was 17 just graduated highschool when I met him... He was older he was 20, we had an instant connection, we dated for only a month on my birthday is when I kicked 1st & second base out the window...lol & 4 days later I was so horny I didnt care I just knew I wanted more... He made it romantic, lit candles ect... When it was over I hurt I bled & thought to myself, sex sux...lol we did it alot after that & it was okay but I never was crazy about it... Found out later it because I never had an ******, but that a different story... After about 2 months of dating I found out he was cheating on me the entire time & just wanted to be my first for everything.. I cried for days because he was the only man to ever touch or caress me in an intimate way... Yeah oh well I guess such it life...lol...
Nikita8687 Nikita8687 26-30, F 7 Responses Sep 6, 2012

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Nikita, your story is very sad. I wish I could sprinkle fairy dust over your head that would truly heal your heart and would allow you to be brave enough to pursue a good man. No one deserves what you got when you finally decided to make that decision. No amount of passion on your part matters. Good men simply want the very best for their women and are patient enough and faithful enough to wait for the right moment. I know that is extremely paternal, but, like my handle states, you are getting my decades of experience here.

So, how do you find better, higher quality men? Now that is the toughest question. Perhaps by learning about things that higher quality men are interested in??? You'll have to decide what you are willing to stomach. My particular preference would be to attend a very high quality church and be active there.

But the real deal is your emotional well-being. Be patient with yourself. Do follow your instincts. Just because you'ved experienced one bad guy doesn't mean the next will be as awful. There are good guys out there. Just have high standards.

Good luck.

you should take care now, forget the past

Sorry that you had to deal with a scumbag for your first time. It probably doesn't go in the books as a special memory. I to was a virgin until I was graduated high school. I met the girl who would become my wife and she too was a virgin. Will always remember when she gave herself to me on my birthday and will always bring a smile to my face when I think back to that day.

Aww thats special, yeah I was pretty hurt, it sucked the most because like I said I was a virgin to everything.... But like I said such is life...lol :)

Such an *******! Sorry sweetie

I'm sorry he wasn't faithful to you. I think that's important in any relationship that lasts.

Nah dont be :) I was 18 nothing lasts at that age :)

Some people are lucky and find someone good for them at that age.

At least you found out earlier in the relationship rather than later - fidelity is important.

great story thanks for sharing

you're a women that knows what she wants,love your courage

Thank you!