I Didnt Want To Celebrate My Moms Birthday

Yesterday was my moms birthday and while my siblings planned a big deal for her i wished the day would pass by already. The week before and all week i couldnt sleep just thinking i had to talk to her and wish her the best when i truly felt like the opposite. I know its cruel ans awful for a daughter to think like that but its how i truly felt. She wasnt the best mom up and still isnt and even though im all growned up with my own family she still makes me feel like a helpless child. The day before she called and invited me to a dinner that my siblings were giving her and i declined and when asked why not i simple said no is no, and when she asked if my kids could go i also said no. When my son came back to me after a dinner invitation and told me that my family made him feel like a outcast i decided never again will he be hurt by them, one thing is for me to be hurt i can deal but my son that i cant deal. About the only thing i did was have my kids call there grandma and wish her a happy birthday while i pretended to be taking a bath, the they passed and here i am getting away this weekend because i dont want to hear how im a bad daughter. My mom has hurt me so bad and holding my feelings in because she has a weak heart is tearing me inside, I wish I could cut all contact with her, have no relationship with her,but again ill be the blamed one the evil spawn she had and i love my brothers, while my sisters are like her i did manage to cut all ties with them. So i sit here sharing my story glad the day passed and hoping that it will only get easier to let this feelings go and be a better person for my kids and show them that all family isnt bad only some.

lidiah lidiah
31-35, F
Aug 8, 2010