Part Of My Heart

At some point on my journey, I faded away little by little. I lost the self I once was. I was once happy & full of life and then the emptiness & loneliness set in. I was greeted by a harsh reality and part of me died inside.
 
My belief in love, hope, friendship and trust was shattered. As I walked this path I saw uncertainty and darkness. Inside of me something had changed. At one point I felt bitterness and anger in my heart. I lost the part of me that felt loyalty and trust was a certain.
 
The harsh reality of the real world set in while I listened to friends and family weigh in on what I should do, should not do or just didn’t say anything at all.  I cried… many times …
I lost friendships and relationships along the way but have gained so much more on this journey.
 
Two months ago to the day a part of my heart died...
 
This does not mean my heart hasn’t started healing or that I am not stronger for having gone through this it simply means that no matter how much you believe in something it can be gone in a moment.
 
 
 
 
 
 
  
snowbunny1002 snowbunny1002
46-50, F
29 Responses Aug 13, 2010

PTMAN- Thanks so much!! I appreciate everything you are saying. I agree that we are never given more than we can handle and we do come out stronger in the long run. <br />
You are a wonderfully supportive friend and I appreciet that and YOU!!<br />
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XOXOXO

aroserises- I am keeping the HUG!! LOL...you are right, there are great days and then there are very emotional days as well. They are fewer than they used to be but in the end I know things do happen for a reason!

Our journeys take us to many places that wedon't want to go to sometimes snow.<br />
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But we learn from the experiences that we come across during our journey, not all moments will be happy ones. <br />
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There will be heartbreaking moments that none of us want to go through, but what can we do. They will be there and we will deal with them as best as we can. <br />
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My journey through life has not been easy, and for a fact i know that there are amny out there that have had worse journeys then myself and have survived and become stornger with their encounters. <br />
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I guess what i'm trying to say is that you are storng and you will survive and come out much, much stornger then what you were when you begined your journey. <br />
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Love you girl.

Sugar- We should plan a magartia 'meeting'..lol. I appreciate your love & friendship so very much. <br />
I like your statement about a rebirth..I believe that to be true:).. I believe living & loving is all part of life, sometimes the hurt is difficult but the lessons are amazing!!<br />
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Thanks for always being there! Love you :)

aroserises- aww that's so sweet! Thanks so much! I think every day is better than the last :) <br />
Thanks so much for your kindness and words of comfort!

zall1rog- thanks my friend, I know you do :) ...healing is a process and it takes time. <br />
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TEP- I agree and it definitely takes time. Thanks so much for your words of support and kindness :)

Hugs to you too Destry :) <br />
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Dee67- I agree Dee. The possibility are endless from the lessons we learn :)<br />
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socalman463- More detail isn't really necessary in this case. This post was a story of learning for me and I am moving ahead :). Thanks :)

kayXmarieX- very true and very wise. thanks for your comments:)

I think at some point we all die a little inside, i feel only we are responsible for finding ourselves again and we will find it through healing the wounds time put on us.

I empathize with you, snowbunny. If we've experienced life long enough, we will all know such heartache. The feeling that a part of us has 'died'. And it truly does feel this way. But perhaps we can rejoyce in the experience of something being 'born' or even 'reborn' in it's place? Given time, I think this is something we come to realize.

BlueButterfly- Thanks so much! I agree there are many positives that have some from all of this, I loved your comment about looking forward..!! Again, thanks so much for your insight :)

HonestHeart- thanks so much for your comments. I believe that believing in something is still very real for me. It always will be, <br />
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cabcraft- what you say brings tears to my eyes. thank you so much for your insight...its truly beautiful. I'm working every day in getting 'me' back. :) <br />
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c8lorraine- I agree there is so much more out there and I am not letting anyone or anything hold me back. Thanks for the reminder! <br />
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bluebie-hugs to you girlfriend. I know your heart has been hurt and recovery is something that takes time. I am however learning more about me and some of the reasons I let things happen. I don't blame myself, I try to figure out the why's and where's as well. It's a definite life lesson. Thank goodness for friendships that allow us to explore all of this and still have a safe place to come back too :) OXXOXOXOX

They say you can't die from a broken heart, but I died inside too, over a year ago now. It has been a long slow journey to repair the damage, and I don't think my heart will ever be as trusting or as whole as it once was. I try to find the reason, the lesson, they whys and wherefores I know are supposed to be there, but they still elude me. There is this ache that dims with time but will not cease to creep in when I least expect it. Hugs my friend.

By my late 40s I had lived through so much tragedy and heartbreak I had turned *icy cold* I understand what you mean. The good news is, it's now ten years on and I am warming up to the idea that there is a life out there. That being said, I am cautious , but open

Hey Snowy, been there too, and if I may offer this: now is the time to go deep within and re-discover, indentify and seek out parts of you that have been hidden, pushed aside and ignored. I let myself become an empty look-a-like, dictated by the wants and needs of another. But tday I am firmly and happily back in control. I have found me, and I like her. As for the other - adapt or die has been my rule. It's been tough on him. But he fell in love with the real me, and the Maid-to-order bride ting never sat properly on my shoulders. I am a strong, confidant, real woman again. I think he kinda likes it too.<br />
I may be way off base with my assumption, but regardless of why you lost yourself, or to whom, the basic message is unchanged. Become the woman you were meant to be, not who you were forced to be. Embrace her with love. xxx X@

mochapie- thanks so much for commenting, It was a very emotional post but one I felt I needed to get out there :)

unshakable- thanks so much for your words of support and wisdom. Each day is better than the last and thats all I can really ask for :)

I know how that feels whatever it maybe.Been there many times and many times after awhile healing begins and the mind gets clearer and move on.The only difference is we became wiser.I believe you will be better each day.Hugs.

shopgirl- that was beautiful! Thank so much for sharing :)<br />
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elviris- too much of my personal life has been revealed during all of this process. I prefer not say anything else about it . It isn't all about a bruised pride. It's about moving forward through something that was very painful. Thanks for your comment.<br />
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sweetnshort- yes we both have managed to get through a lot. I know we will forge ahead and be better for it.. whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger :) . <br />
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kaybea1- thanks so much ..I appreciate that :)

I Know how your Heart & Soul Felt Snow Bunny. You & I will Survive & live to Love again. It is their loss, everything happens for a reason. Iam here for ya, Just a cll away. Hugs

swallow your pride and tell us what really happened talking in circles in not a catharsis it's a way of covering up your bruised pride.

"If you can watch the things you gave your life to broken,<br />
And stoop and built 'em up with worn out tools.<br />
If you can make one heap of all your winnings<br />
Risk it on one turn of pitch and toss,<br />
And lose, and start again at your beginnings<br />
And never breathe a word about your loss,<br />
If you can force your heart, and nerve and sinew<br />
To serve your turn long after they are gone.<br />
And so hold on when there is nothing in you <br />
Except the will which says to them:'Hold on'. <br />
- Rudyard Kipling.

xrunning- I know you understand :) //(((hugs))))

KF- I'm slowly but surely getting there :) <br />
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Supermother- thanks so much;)

I'm sorry for your lost. <br />
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(((((((((((((hugs from SM)))))))))))))

wise words from FG...i agree<br />
i've lost myself a few times...it gets harder and harder to come back each time tho...one day, i'm afraid i may lose myself for good :( i hope not...and i hope you come back too :)

FG- that's amazingly insightful and oh so true :)

It's weird how a heart can learn to love someone so quickly but then can never figure out how to stop sometimes.

ABL- Thanks so much... Everyday is better than the last :) <br />
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BF- That's ok. We all learn and grow from the things we are faced with. <br />
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destiney24= yes it is ... thanks for your kind words :) Hugs to you too!!