I Need A Clear And Correct And Exact Answer That What Should I Do Now? And How To Face The Balance Unwanted Days?

My story is a long one, and full of tragedy, i briefly telling  it here , as i could not explain the whole thing .

My time from my birth is very worst, and I left with two children by my husband  and for past 20 years I have gone through several difficulties to brought up my children in sincere way and even though it now I lost my 24 years daughter only after the three month of her marriage - she committed suicide in our own home - two years back and before I realize the things - the last person - my only son met with an severe accident , and it was almost for three months  and a huge amount of money were spended to recover his life.
And I now left with all the too much of pains inside of me and with huge debits and to do work for my food and routine life - The past two years - which I though a good one because we bought a small home and the marriage of my daughter with huge expensive - but all are suddenly come to an end within three month of her marriage and we lost and lost all the things for ever.
Now I bonded with that home - which not selling at all, but I cannot live there as the continuous tragedies - which make my all efforts as a funny - foolish - defeated end for the world and I am cornered with all these - 
my unforgettable memories of my beloved daughter until my end - and about the big question mark of my son's future life - and the debits - and the home from I want to quit - and upon these all the most important thing is - the fight with the outside world - yes, I cannot act like a normal person with these all in my side, and even if I shut my mouth forever and going on as a robot for the daily duties with big question - what is I am doing? Why these all are happened? Who is the reason for all? What is the mistake I have done? Where is my beloved daughter? Why I lost her without any reason? Why I am separated from this world in all the way and there is nobody for me? And why are others are still jealous with me but there is no a tiny bit of kind word or help? ......
O!!!! It is too tough for me to push each miniature of a day and I am shivering to see the next day if what will happen to next? I lost my hope with God also who I believed that he is for me? Now I am not thinking him and I separated me from the great God, my parents, few relatives for name, and the known people who are looking at me as cheap and laughing at me on my continuous failures as much as I can and moving forward by taking my cross on my shoulder with the suffers which are not understand even by the god as the great Jesus without knowing my path and the end. 
I would say I am in the situation with more suffers than Jesus which are gifted to me for my birth and life time.
  I do not want to suicide i myself to quit from this all as I already died when my daughter died, and  rather to die , I have to look after my son who is holding my hand as a only one person for him who is in the world.
But for that I am dyeing daily as alive with these thunders on my head.
I need a clear and correct and exact answer that what should I do now? And how to face the balance unwanted days? I know it is easy to advise to others but it is difficult to stand in their shoes, and the easy answers which we know that to be living with patient, silent and to face the future with what it will bring....
But as I am already too much tired on these expectation and the one after one tragedies made me to dig into the earth all my hop, patients and turned me to be very nervous,anger,fear,crying almost a mad.
 
So please kindly understand my real situation and help me with your advises which can give me a firm way for the rest of the days. 
 
 

mothi mothi
41-45, F
1 Response Aug 14, 2010

Your son.Give him the life you never had.He can live a very happy life with your help.