Speaking As An Alpha Female…

I can’t imagine it! My husband is very intelligent but I wouldn’t WANT to put the burden on him to make all the decisions in our relationship. What a stressful situation!  Can you imagine having to always make the decision—not just for yourself but for another person as well? What if you have children, now the man must make the decisions for them too?   

 I do recognize however, that there are some men who feel the need to control just as there are some women who feel the need to be controlled.   However, attributing it to religion seems to me to be a cop out. I say: embrace your dominant/submissive lifestyle. If you’re both in agreement, who cares?

Katija Katija
51-55, F
9 Responses Jul 11, 2007

I have no problem submitting to protection if I cannot protect myself, such as against the bad guy types (why get out of the car anyway, keep the car in gear, put one foot on the brake and one on the gas to be ready for a quick exit—and to hell with anyone in your way). But again, that is not an authority thing and more of a respect the situation thing. While I certainly champion women's rights, I freely admit that men are reared to be more aggressive and are largely born physically stronger. In cases where those traits are required I am all over joy when the man wants to flex those attributes. <br />
All I’m saying is that both are capable of making decisions and the decision that should be followed is the one that makes the most sense at the time. It is the circumstances that dictate which decision is the best one not the gender of the decision maker.<br />
However, because everyone is different, I know there are those who prefer others make their decisions for them. I say: more power to you! In the matter of consenting adults, live the way you want to live.

Just because some one is in authority does not mean you have to check your brain. Do you check your brain at work?<br><br />
I was simply pointing out the double standard of submitting.<br><br />
It is not about control for most men as protection. We are of nature protective. <br><br />
So am I to assume if you were with your husband and broke down in a bad part of town and he told you to stay in the car while he talked to bad types around the car you would disobey? Or would you submit? :)

Sorry Valikyre, I am soooo going to have to disagree with you. You are correct in that the boss is ‘in charge’ at the job. When I signed on, I essentially, agreed to follow the rules of the organization and to obey those who have authority over my position. However, unlike your examples of the policeman, the job with the boss, the IRS and etc., the relationship between a husband and wife, or committed lovers, etc. is one of partners—helpmates if you will—not of one who has authority over the other. There are some things my husband is really good at and I trust him to make the decisions about them and I will even ask his advice. But, there are also things that I am good at and my husband trusts me to make the decisions. And while there have been occasions where we have had to agree-to-disagree, it never occurred to me (and hopefully not to him), that I should obey him and his decisions. I think the only rule that must be obeyed is the one where there is always mutual respect. I don’t think it’s right that ones spouse should be required to ‘check their brain’ at the altar.

Oh boy!<br />
It seems too many miss the reason for the statements being quoted.<br />
1. There is a big difference between dominate and domineer.<br />
2. There is a big difference between submitting and being submissive.<br />
Katija, you said, "I have to admit that sometimes, when I hear the ‘submit’ to your husband and ‘the role of a woman/wife’ speeches it makes my hackles rise. Though I constantly tell myself not to judge others, I find that I am critical of women who get suckered into following these “rules” that don’t have any foundation other than word of mouth, perpetuated by insecure men. It has always translated as laziness to me. I wonder what these women will do if the husband gets tired of the doormat and seeks a woman with her own mind." (This is to all, your comment just covers it all)<br />
Why does it not raise your hackles then to 'submit' in the employer/employee relationship. Are you saying anyone who gets suckered into following the employer is boss scenario are also doormats and shouldn't follow the 'rules'? In the employee/employer relationship the boss is dominate, correct? If you do things your own way against his authority will you have a job long?<br />
If you get pulled over for speeding why do you submit? The rules which say we must pull over are only perepetuated by control freaks who are so insecure if you<br />
if you don't obey immediately will taser you into submission, and place you in confinement to teach you to never do it again. <br />
The day any one stands up and tells there boss, banker, mayor, police chief, governor, IRS, they will no longer be submissive to their requests, rules, is the day one can honestly complain about submitting final say to a spouse. <br />
It is only a horse of another color yet still a horse.

I am so thankful for the voices of reason on this thread. :)

This thread strikes me as amazingly archaic. As Groucho Marx said of the Beverly Hills Country Club, "I would never join a club that would have me as a member." Likewise, I would never be interested in a woman who wanted me to dominate her. Vassals and sycophants are uninteresting - one should match up with a peer.

I have to admit that sometimes, when I hear the ‘submit’ to your husband and ‘the role of a woman/wife’ speeches it makes my hackles rise. Though I constantly tell myself not to judge others, I find that I am critical of women who get suckered into following these “rules” that don’t have any foundation other than word of mouth, perpetuated by insecure men. It has always translated as laziness to me. I wonder what these women will do if the husband gets tired of the doormat and seeks a woman with her own mind. Permitting someone else to lead is one thing, obeying slavishly smacks of cowardice.

sure ... hey if it's what you want and what makes you happy go for it! but ... for those who are 'submissive' and miserable but fake their smiles thru their teeth for the sake of appearances on sunday mornings ... they need to wisen up and get to KNOW what the TRUE meaning is in the Bible ... NOT what the church teaches but what God says! (that is, IF it's a religious thing. ;-) )

Yeah, I agree...if the woman enjoys being submissive and the husband wants control then that's ok and vice-versa. My problem is that I think these arrangements come about due to rather archaic influences, religious and otherwise. People have a right to be however they wish but it doesn't mean that they aren't perpetuating a negative cycle which puts women at a level of a child, with no mind of their own.