True Discipline

We have always used a firm hand theroy of discipline. Training children on how they are to behave is not something that is done overnight or something that can be done using "time out". When a child knows the rules and clearly disobeys them there is nothing wrong with using a firm hand to let them know and give them cause to stop and think about thier actions.
jointhecorner jointhecorner 36-40, F 18 Responses Aug 20, 2011

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Good for you! Nice to see there are still Mother's out there that aren't afraid to use a firm hand when needed for misbehaving children.

Same here in this house.x

I absolutely agree

It really is heat warming to see so many responses from people that feel the same way as I do! God bless you all!!!!

Ugh. Feminism means having the right to do what u want, including be a submussive. Assault means the act of using physical force over another person. If u dont have permission assault is wrong. Let children grow up and decide for themselves if they want to be assaulted. Assaulting children teaches them it is ok to assault others. If their own parents would beat them than why stop there? Jesus said "those who would harm these little ones should be cast in the sea with a stone around their necks." Jesus didnt get that mad often so maybe u should take note. Dont start quoting old testament to me, im a Christian, not an ideologue.

You have to teach your children acceptable limits and let them grow up to make their own decisions within those limits.

I guess I agree with that response and that would include assault. I dont cross that line and I want my children to learn that also. On the other hand I my daughter jumped off the curb yesterday on a busy street and I promised next time she did it I would spank her. Nobody is perfect.

hopefully, there won't be a next time, for if there is, she just may jump out in front of a car, and the next time if she does do it, and you don't follow up with the promise, you will just have taught your daughter it's ok to lie

Jesus also said "spare the rod, spoil the child" as well as "he who loves his child disciplines, and this who don't hateth their child".

Actually that wasnt in the bible before 1377.

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"The firm hand on the bare bottom experience" is necessary for a child to learn to behave.

How often do you have to spank the kids when need?

Good for you! We use the same philosophy in our home. Children need and appreciate firm boundaries and rules by which to live . Too many children these days are growing up with parents who are afraid to discipline. As a result, they never learn how to lead a responsible life within a society.

Agreed. Just being shown the slipper or cane in our household did the trick !

My mom used a firm hairbrush on my bare hiney. It worked.

Yea its works alright . :'(

Good for you using a firm hand when needed. Timeouts don't usually work with most behavior problems and a lasting impression on their bottom gets more results. That was how I grew up and do use the smae old fashion ways now.

thats the way i was brought up so i stand by you 100percent

100% in agreement. Kids today are very much different than when we grew up. They are not afraid to tell you to spank them so they can call the cops or tell their teacher. You see kids all the time acting out in public and you can slap their bottom or anything. You very rarely if ever saw consistent bad behavior from a kid in my day. You got caught, you were spanked and punished.

So true. back in the days I was spanked even in public never was the cops called.

Disgusting! Well said in your first post gymshoejane. I have been a child carer for 22 years & a parent for 11. No child in my care has ever been physically struck by me. I spend time, effort and energy making sure my children know right from wrong and how to care for others. I always receive wonderful comments from other parents and glowing school reports from teachers about my children's good behaviour and empathy towards others. Hitting anyone at any age is totally wrong. Parenting is the most important job in the world, why is it the only one where it is acceptable to hurt and injure those most vunerable?!

Why spend time and energy knowing right from wrong - a quick spanking gives a short, sharp, shock. 5-10 minute spanking gives you something to think about and acts as a deterrent. Where is the deterrent in talking ? If you know the belt or cane is coming your way you'll think about it - believe me and I'm talking from experience. I was frequently slippered, caned and belted both at school and at home. I'm not inured, emotionally hurt, aggressive, going around hitting people and most people of the CP era would confess "did me no harm". To many do gooders in the World today leading to too many disrespectful children.

Spanking teaches a child that it is ok for a bigger person to hit a smaller person. It hurts a childs feelings and teaches them to fear their parents. It reinforces to a child that they had better lie to their parents then honestly own up to something they have done because they dont TRUST their parents.<br />
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To review: Spanking teaches<br />
violence<br />
fear authority figures<br />
lying<br />
distrust people<br />
<br />
Spanking is a lazy parents way to discipline, we as a society can do much better by our children.

That simply is not true. Abuse (physical or emotional) teaches those things, spanking does not. Spanking is a punishment method, and when used properly it does what all punishment is designed to do for children; that being to teach and reinforce that improper behavior has adverse consequences. Spanking is not at all an indication of laziness. Parents who spank have to do all the things that non-spanking parents do: Communicate with their children, set clear expectations in an age-appropriate way, teach by example, love and cherish - and punish for misbehavior. Punishment of all kinds is a very small, but essential, part of parenting. It is not possible for children to learn that improper behavior has adverse consequences unless parents impose adverse consequences when their children misbehave.

There are other ways to teach consequences to kids; time outs, losing a privaledge ect. I for one find it far better to reinforce positive choices by rewarding good behavior in my children.
I do agree on one point: that if you must spank, you should communicate with your child and reinforce to the child after the spanking that you love them regardless of the poor behavior choice.

Technically, spanking is hitting. However, grounding is then false imprisonment and assigning extra chores is slave labor. Virtually any method of discipline used with children can be given a negative name. That said, if time outs work then use them. I think it's best to have a variety of tools in the parental toolbox and use the correct one for each specific job.

Well said Jon1975. Punishment is a small but essential part of parenting, and parents should use whatever combination of methods works best for their individual situation.

There are other more effective and kinder methods to teach children.
I was never spanked and I am a law abiding, tax paying, educated, caring person.
My children have never been spanked, and my son who is 9 is praised by his teachers for his polite and caring nature. He is compassionate and respectful. My daughter is only a toddler but is learning through consistency and boundaries respect for herself and others. She has never been spanked and will NEVER be spanked.

There are other methods which are more effective for some children at some times, but spanking is also the most effective method for many children at some times. The key is to use the most effective combination of methods for each individual child, and parents should not limit themselves by not considering spanking as one ofthe options.

Load of rubbish gumshowjane2

Kids are resilient. I WAS spanked until I was 19 &amp; I also am a law-abiding, tax-paying, educated compassionate person. But my emphasis on compassion is for the other good people rather than the parasites &amp; criminals that take so much of our resources.

The problem, gumshoejane, is that while you're waiting for your child to take a hint over the long haul, the rest of us have to put up with the bad behavior, pouting &amp; tension, because the kid you're taking the long way around to teach. is oppressing everyone around him. Your kids may actually be angels. It's certainly possible. But I've heard a lot of non-spanking parents say that &amp; seen a lot of kids that were'nt nearly as heavenly as their parents believed.

Kids come in all sorts of types. If you read the posts of a lot of spanking parents, you will see some where 2 of the kids needed lots of spanking, 1 needed some &amp; the 4th had to be told that she needed to stop it or she would get spanked &amp; 99% of the time she did stop before the spanking happened.

I've listened for too many years to the old saw about spankings teaching kids to hit. I doubt that you can find a 6yo of normal intelligence that can't tell you the difference between a bully getting spanked for bullying &amp; the bully beating up a smaller kid. They're human with human-sized brains so they actually can figure it out.

Time to stop repeating the mantras by rote. The reason why so much bullying goes on in school is that nothing can be done about the bullies except opportunity transfers. Posters &amp; gentle advice are not going to solve that problem.

What kids need to see is a FAIR, logical, simple, disciplinay system.

Fair-- If you can't tell your kid why you're spanking or otherwise punishing him, if you don't want to have a conversation with her so that she can explain her behavior before you spank, you may want to rethink the rule she is beinng punished for breaking. If she consistently convinces you she shouldn't be spanked although you keep catching her being objectionable, maybe YOU should be spanked.

Logical--here is what you did thus you've earned these consequences. Here is why this behavior will not be tolerated &amp; why you WILL be corrected when it happens. And here is the extra for lying about it. There is no place for the 5th Amendment between parent &amp; child.

Simple--Grounding doesn't work well for a variety of reasons. For 1 thing the harder any system is to implement the less likely it is that people will do it &amp; the less likely it is that they'll get it right if they do attempt it. Grounding is a more complicated system that punishes the parent as well as the kid. If YOU don't stay home &amp; alert, the kid won't stay grounded. If the kid is grounded for 2 weeks, &amp; acts up, ground him for another week. Whoa, you just made your own punishment longer. And her punishment isn't even going to START for 2 weeks. So what's the smartest course for hypothetical YOU to do. Temporize. Start making less of a punishment or no correction at all, especially if the kid is bothering someone else. You get off scot-free. Keep in mind that his future employer ay just solve the problem that he has to be told 3 times before he does something by simply firing him. But they'll never be able to trace the problem to you so it's all good.
Now, if you spank her for disobeying you &amp; she decides to punish you by pouting &amp; acting up so you'll know the punishment is ineffective, spank her again--there's an immediate ocnsequence without waiting 2 weeks. Much simpler, still righteous.

Discipline--Discipline is reward for GOOD behavior &amp; correction (meaning condign punishment, though not always spanking) for BAD behavior. Before, there was an emphasis on punishment that occasionally took for granted that the kid's good behavior, even if it was exemplary was not worthy of reward. Now it's taken for granted that the kid needs to be consistently stroked &amp; if he's bad, he must need more attention &amp; rewards. That is already starting to bite us in the ***.

I especially liked when Jamie W said that punishment is a small but essential part of parenting &amp; when Jon said about nomenclature &amp; having a variety of tools. Word to live by.

To review: Spanking teaches:
fear authority figures
distrust people

To rebut:

Spanking doesn't teach violence. Letting the kid oppress others while you are trying to communicate what is wrong teached that violence is the only way to solve problems that adults are too fearful of confrontation to solve. Part of Columbine was kids who'd been bullied. The other part was predatory kids that should have been stopped &amp; COULD have been stopped before it happened. Violent video games did NOT cause the problem at Columbine.

2.) fear authority figures:
They may not fear you, but they hold you in contempt because you're ineffective. And if you're ineffective in curbing them, you're also going to be ineffective in protecting them. It is human nature to play the system. So, the ideal system has got to be designed so that everyone has the freedom to have maximum self-actualization, but no one is allowed to oppress others. If the kid isn't doing something wrong, he needn't fear authority.

Of course the mechanism of the system has to militate against authority being stupid. In other words, things like school uniforms don't solve your gang problem without confronting the gangs. They also don't solve the problem of a parent who doesn't want to say no to his kid, so he falls back on the argument that school won't allow it.

Kids (and adults for that matter) NEED to fear authority in certain contexts so the punishment has to be immediate, fair, a "crime" that CAN be avoided, justifiable &amp; more than just inconvenient. If you have to justify the punishment to your kid, you'll be punishing less.

In other words, if one doesn't fear punishment, one doesn't worry about incurring it. Or about the authority figures that dish it out. The object is after all to stop the behavior, not to make you feel good about doing something ineffective about it.

3.) lying
Having taught in middle &amp; high school for 12 years, I've got news that should come as no surprise. Kids WANT to gewt off scot-free. Duh. ANY punishment or inconvence is to be avoided if possible. So that means time-out, grounding, denial of privileges, or rewards or praise, or saying that you are ashamed of the way they acted is right out, no matter how well deserved. Because they want to avoid unfavorable outcomes they lie. It's not a character failure, it's just a logical outcome, especially if the punishment is ineffective. Because if the punishment isn't going to inconvenience them much, the greater punishment for lying isn't going to inconvenience them much more.
They may not fear you; they hold you in contempt because you're ineffective. And if you're ineffective in curbing them, you're also going to be ineffective in protecting them.

4.) distrust people
That's just ridiculous. If anything, since it does not linger around like weeks of grounding, it contributes to a healthier environment all around. It's also more effective, so your kid is going to know how to behave &amp; it won't be a shock to him when he goes out in the world &amp; his boss/neighbor/SO expects him to behave like an adult.

Very well put!! Completely agree with you!

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I agree 100% Spanking is a well proven and accepted way to train to your children to become responsible for there actions. I actually think that parents who don't spank are letting their children down.

same here. it did me no harm when my mom used a firm hand on me when I crossed the line.

Yep i agree as well.

As do I agree!