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Wives: How To Spank Your Hisband 101

First, you must be determined that you are going to follow through with the discipline. No wife ever gets it right the first time. But, it will be a first time for your husband as well, so don't worry about that. It is extremely essential to remain totally feminine throughout the process.
Here are a few extremely important pointers:
1. You must NEVER ask his permission to punish him! Ever.  It is your decision, make it and stand firm.
2. You must both be in a comfortable setting. For instance-he shouldn't be laying on a cold floor. You shouldn't be sitting on an uncomfortable chair. The room temperature should not be hot or cold, but very comfortable.
3. Make sure he takes a shower first. It will open his pores and make your work more effective.
4. If you have made up your mind, NEVER allow him to talk you out of or diminish a spanking. Don't let him hesitate.
5. The first times you spank him, don't be brutal. You don't want to scare him away from future spankings. You need to be very aware of his body language. Don't spank too fast. Let it sink in. He may even enjoy the first few spankings. That is acceptable for now. You will change that in due time.
6. It will be normal for him to become aroused when you are spanking him, at first. This is expected and acceptable.
7. It is best to initiate the "lesson" when he is "in the mood" for intimacy. When a man is aroused, he is much easier to control and deal with.
8. Start with a minor infraction-like leaving the toilet seat up, or not lifting the seat and dripping on it. The punishment should be in line with the offense.
9. The first several spankings should be with your hand only. You can graduate to an implement soon enough.
10. No need for the female to make any comments during the spanking. She may offer short replies to his pleas and begging, but stay firm.
11. When the spanking session is over, its OVER. His debt for poor behavior is paid in full. It isn'f fair or proper for you to hold a grudge after you're done. If you don't feel the slate is now clean, then you are at fault for being too lenient. Make a mental note for the next time.

(Just a hint from experience: When you think he has been punished enough, ADD another 10 to 20 smacks. Ladies ALWAYS go too lightly in the beginning, until their confidence grows.)

 You should have a quiet and soundproof room. You both want to keep this very private between the two of you. (We have a special room set up in the basement for exactly this purpose.)  It is also very important that you are both very comfortable during the spanking. Sometimes, I sit in a chair and have him  lay across my knee. Other times, I sit on the bed and have him lay across me. If he has his pants on, I will remove these and his underwear. After all, I intend to spank him, not his pants. More importantly, I can monitor my progress by seeing how red his bottom is getting. It has gotten to the point of where I really enjoy seeing his cheeks tighten up, quiver, and tremble. It is the best stress reliever I have ever found.

As soon as you detect that his behavior needs correction,  make a note of it and address it that same evening. It can't wait, he must be corrected promptly for the discipline to effective. After you get in bed, you should leave a light on  and tell him that "we"  need to discuss something- - his disrespectful behavior (or whatever) and proceed to let him know what specifically he has done or said that was out of line. You then TELL him that he acted childish and now he will be punished like a rude little boy. At this point, he will be shocked and probably scared. Next, this is very important: if he tries to apologize, you have already won !   This is when you have him in your complete control.   You must be strong, and tell him he may apologize AFTER he has been punished.

Now is the time for you to move to your chair, or sit up in bed. Next, in a soft but FIRM voice, tell him to lay across your lap. While you remove any pajamas that he is wearing, you should tell him your rules. He must not kick his feet, or attempt to cover his bottom with his hands. He must stay across your lap until you are satisfied that he has learned his lesson. If you have decided to spank with an implement like a ruler or spoon, you should have it ready, but hopefully not in plain sight. He should not be able to see what is coming. He should have his eyes closed, or better, have them covered. It will increase your control over the situation. Tell him that if his hands get in the way, or he kicks or moves, then you will have to add another spanking after you are done with his first one. (Usually three or four smacks with a belt will prevent that in the future.)  After you are both comfortable, it is time for you to begin. At first, he will beg for mercy and leniency.  I cant stress enough just how important it is for you to be firm, and follow your original intentions.   Trust me, he will respect you much more, after wards,  if you are firm now.

If you choose to use your hand, then fifty to a hundred slaps should suffice.You will judge by the color of his skin. A light spanking will be pink, and a more thorough one will produce a deeper red.  If you use an implement, then perhaps only half of that many, depending on how surly his conduct was. It is a good idea to save the hardest smacks for the end.  It will leave a more lasting impression. Let the color be your guide initially. After you gain more experience, it will come naturally.

Men are traditionally taught that it's not cool to cry. However, the therapeutic thing about spanking is that people often allow themselves to age regress. The act of laying over my knee with his pants and underpants pulled down with his bottom upturned has the effect of making a grown man feel like a little boy. Once he feels younger, he may give himself permission to shed tears just as he would if he were laying over his mommy's lap.

When you have completed his punishment, you should have him remain in position. Usually, I rub some cool lotion into his bottom right after I am done. He must remain still for this. It will soothe, but also remind him that you are in control. His eyes should remain covered or closed  the whole time. At times, during the rub down, I give my husband a few sharp smacks, just to remind him that I am currently in charge, and that he must still submit.

I promise that you will see a marked improvement in his demeanor towards you. In time it may fade, and then you will need to have a little reminder session in order to help him get back on track. He will respect and love you for it. All this will be a great stress reliever for you, and will add a spark to your relationship.
CathyBenson CathyBenson 46-50, F 56 Responses Dec 10, 2010

Your Response


For awhile when I gave my husband his spankings I had him bend over a chair, an ottoman or the bed and then I'd deliver the spanking with a belt or a strap. I have a switch which I use occasionally. I never use my hand anymore and rarely have him over my knee. I use the over the knee position we are away and it becomes necessary to deliver a spanking on the spot. I generally carry a belt for that purpose.
I had been telling him not to squirm around while I was spanking him. He kept it up so I decided to put him in restraints. At first I had him lie on the bed with several pillows under his middle to get his butt up for easy access with my strap. I tied his wrists to the headboard which is brass so it has spokes I guess you'd call them. Then I fastened his ankles together which a rope and secured them to the bottom. I thought he would resist but I guess I have him trained well. I assured him this would be better for him because I would not have to keep stopping nor would I have to add to the number of strokes given when he didn't stand still. I laid about 20 on him with the belt. He didn't squirm but did move a bit when each one hit him. After doing it that way for a while I searched around and found a spanking bench at a bondage site. It is perfect. We went out and I bought him ankle and wrist restraints. The bench came with eyes to secure the wrists and ankles with chain, as well as straps for over his back and legs. We use this all the time now and it works quite well. I simply tell him that he is going to be spanked. He then knows he is to get the ankle and wrist cuffs, the strap or belt and present himself to me. He takes his trousers off himself and I usually lower his panties after he is secured. SO, if you ever have wondered if its better to put your husband in restraints for his whippings the answer is yes.

I have been spanking my husband since we were dating. I learned he had cheated on me and when I confronted him he begged me not to leave. I told him that he would have to submit to my punishment and he was astounded when I told him it would be a spanking. The first time I made him bend over a desk and I gave him 20 strokes with a belt. since then I have become the dominant partner and he is easily a submissive. I spank him often and quickly learned he liked it because the spankings always cause an erection. I generally use a strap or a belt but have used a paddle and a switch. If I am going toms a strap I put restraints on him. I first make him take off his pants and under wear. He then bends over and I deliver the strokes. I recently told him that I intend to require that he start wearing panties for his spankings.

I am not alone. I learned from my sister in law that when my husband was in high school he sometimes wore her panties and once when he was discovered he received a spanking in front of his sisters. She said that didn't stop him. I never knew he had this fetish till one night when I was about to give him a thrashing for having failed to do the dishes, I suddenly remembered what she said and ordered him to go into my lingerie drawer and choose a pair of panties to wear for the spanking. He came back with a pair of pink nylon bikinis and since he and I are about the same size, my size 6's fit him. He said nothing but I saw him getting erect as he drew them on. I then had him bend over the bed as usual and ask for the strap. I gave him 20 fairly strong swats. Since he took it without crying I rewarded him by allowing him to wear my panties to bed.

I can't understand why all this stuff is linked to chores or submissiveness.

My wife spanks me because I like it. I am not under her thumb. Am I alone in this in the world?

Not at all alone in this respect !

no - not alone.. but there are actually different types of spankings - so this was just happens to discuss discipline for a reason. Enjoy the spankings just because!

Great advice

Do you spank your partner too Miss ?

I have just started to. Punish my husband by making him walk around the house nude. Then I spank him if the has not finished his
choirs for the day. I also make him wear women's underwear
when my sister visits us .

First of all, I hate it when my wife spanks me, but it''s part of our relationship. I'll tell you how we first got into it, how she does it, and then I'll confess to a little white lie that she has no clue about. (if she did, I'd have a permanently red butt)

On the 3rd day of our honeymoon, more than 35 years ago, we got into an argument. I had seen my dad spank my mom multiple times, and both parents bared my bottom for really hard spankings, so it seemed natural. I grabbed her arm, pulled her kicking and screaming across my lap. Then I pulled down her panties and gave her about 30-40 good hand spanks on each cheek. She was totally devastated, which really was not my intent, as I did (and do) really love her. We didn't speak much the rest of the day, but that night we were in bed. I was laying on my stomach, and I felt my underwear being pulled down. She whispered something in my ear that led me to believe I was going to have a good time afterall that night. Then she sat on my back, and pinned my arms against my sides with her legs. She then took a hairbrush to my backside for about 50 hard spanks on each cheek. When she stopped, she said she would double that if I didn't immediately agree there would be no reprisals. And if there were any, she would immediately file for an annulment. I agreed.

We talked for the next couple of hours and agreed I would never spank her again under any circumstances, but if she felt I needed it I would get it. That eventually led to a spanking on the first Saturday night of each month for the past many many years for my "transgressions" in the previous month. If I do something that particularly ****** her off, I can bet on getting one in between. That usually happens about once or twice a year.

So how does she do it? Well, first she makes me take off my pants and underwear. Then she pulls me across her lap for about 50 hard hand swats on each cheek. Then she stands me up and tells me to go get either the strap or the paddle. 90% of the time it's the strap, which is the little whit lie I'll tell you about in a minute.

I bring down that weapon, and go over her knee again, I'll get anywhere from 30-100 hard spanks on each cheek with it. I'll be crying like a baby all the time.

So what's the lie? That strap hurts like hell, but the paddle hurts like DOUBLE HELL. But I've convinced her that the strap is by far the worst. I do that by really yelling and crying with each whack of the strap, and just a little whimpering with the paddle. It works, and she doesn't know I've conned her. If she ever found out, my bottom would never recover.

LIke I said, I hate the spankings, and honestly don't understand why some people like them, but this works for us, and I'll just keep my little white lie going.

Great post Cathy. My wife has been spanking me OTK with the backside of a wooden hairbrush for almost 40 years and I still cry every time she does. having her in charge has been wonderful for our marriage. Please add me.

Please add me

Great post. I will definitely be sharing this with my wife. We have a fairly traditional marriage with the typical male female roles as part of the dynamic. But at times I feel that it is important that roles be reversed and I give away the control that I feel routinely falls into my lap. We do play a bit with spanking as erotic foreplay but that's about as far as it goes. But I'm trying to gain the courage to have her take charge to use spanking as a way of taking control and as occasional punishment in our relationship. Thanks again.

Hi Cathy..please add me.. much to discuss and ask you..

Cathy I think it's all been said. I find you more credible than Auntie Kay. My wife spanks and canes me but in a somewhat tentative fashion. However after a hard session a feeling of great peace and well being descends and I am totally in love once more

I agree with Cathy about everything she said.
One of the other things I would add is that after a punishment for particularly bad behavior, my husband is not allowed to ****** for a period of time depending on the severity of the violation, anywhere from several days to several weeks. He does however pleasure me during this time.
To enforce the no ****** punishment I have found a wonderful device that is applied to the penis and testicles that only I have the lock to, and when my husband has an erection the pressure on his testicles is so bad that he does not allow himself to have an erection.

My linda loves two things flowers and her wooden spoon. I replace the flowers when needed but sometimes I mess up and forget. She then removes the dead flowers from the vase and replaces them with a 24 inch wooden spoon and the business end naturally , always soaking in the water. Therefore, the spoon is twice as heavy and this makes the spoon one of her favorite implements.Once soaked with water the spoon can make my bottom "purpuuuley" no time at all. I get many more spankings because this implement is always close -by for her and in plain sight even when the vase is filled with flowers. If you look real close, you can see the handle of the spoon hidden by the stems. I check the flowers for freshness and always make sure there is enough water. Lord help me if I don't..."D".

My wife gave me one of the hardest and longest spankings ever just this morning. It doesn't happen often, usually just 3-4 times a year, but when she spanks, it's deadly. I will agree that I thoroughly deserved every whack. I had gotten a speeding ticket last month and tried to hide it from her, because I knew my bottom would be turned bright red if she knew. But she picked up the mail yesterday and there was the bill for $350. When she asked me about it I told her it must be a mistake, but then she showed me the copy with my signature. She asked why I didn't tell her, and why I lied, and I said because I didn't want to get spanked. She assured me that my spanking would now be much worse. I begged for mercy but to no avail.

Then she told me exactly how she was going to punish me, but that it would wait until this morning to give me a chance to think about it and sweat a little. And that if I tried any more to get out of it, she would double what she told me

So at 6 am this mornging I got up and she told me to immediately remove my pajamas. Then she told me to take a shower, which I did.

Without drying off, she grabbed me and pulled me ove her knee for 500 hard and fast hand spanks. Then I got 50 more on each cheek with a "holy" paddle as hard and as fast as she could swing it.

Then, that wasn't the worst of it. She told me that because I lied, I would get a repeat of it every day for the next week.

BTW, her name is Cathy too. My butt is on fire. She's at work now, and I might just go get a butt massage to help it cool down.

Love the Article - I am a male and all my life I have been disrespectful to my wife. I had treated her as an inferior and now that I have reached my 50 i reflect back on how purely I treated her in the past. I love her so very much and I do not want to spend the next 32 years with her treating her the way I did in the past. So I suggest to her about punishing me when I misbehave and she was a little shocked at first. I bought a spanking cane on line and explained to her that this is what she needs to punish me with. <br />
Shock Horror and disgust. But we started slowly - a light spank with the cane - It was actually quite a turn on for me. We now have progressed to a more harsher canning so that there are red welts . There is never breaking of skin . The initial pain goes away quite quickly but the sensation on my backside lasts for a few days afterwards - I good reminded of a lesson learnt. You may think this sound rather sadistic but actually it has taught me to be more respectful and less judgemental towards her. This has actually deepened our affection and love for each other. Even our love making has intensified to new levels. You may ask how that is even possible. Men like myself always want to dominate and are stubborn and we do not always see our wive's point of view. This "punishment practice" has opened my eyes to her world and how she see and processes to. We now have a more democratic marriage were we can tell each other everything - how we feel and how to overcome lifes' problem. I now actually enjoy that she has taken control in our lives. I feel that she is now empowered to determine aspect in her life she was not able to do in the past. And to tell you the truth - I actually enjoy her taking control and as my behaviour has improved towards her I find that I am not getting that many spankings anymore. So occasionally I may test the boundaries a little to far ... after all it is a turn on for me... secretly she does know that

Take her to neutral ground (slack hours at a waffle house) and discuss it over coffee or tea. Use an outlined format: state the problem; the desire to deal with a bad experience with the "bottoms up" solution proposed; your resolve to its necessity for moving forward (men need reminders); present a safe word opt out (to avoid permanent injury or social humiliation affecting employment); makeup consequences
(help, chores, short term duty are optional add ons; results (reminder given, guilt can pass, forgiveness given, attitude adjusted) water under the bridge and we move forward. Final point: You're not asking to be bullied. Amends and adjustments are needed for a good relationship. Use the neutral ground approach. It'll keep the focus on the couple.

Thanks for leaving this up. I'm just getting my routine started and this provides some good direction and outlines expectations and benefits of the process. Indifference to my feelings can go on no longer. We 're a little late getting started.

I love your post. I was wondering what your thoughts might be on a man like me. I am a submissive husband, quite a bit older than you, but with many years experience with the same wife. I would like a more moderate submissiveness role. I still obey my wife, and she still disciplines me, but only when I do something that really annoys her. What kind of punishments (I still get spanked) when I am really neglectful. I guess what I am really saying is that I am not ashamed of obeying my wife,but would prefer not to be to far out of the norm.
I am not sure how to correspond on this site. I hope I can get your answer.

Thank you Cathy for such an excellent primer on disciplining your husband. All Ladies should read this and use your methods as soon as possible. Many thanks again.

Cathy as well as being a great stress reliever for you , putting your hubby over knee and giving him a sound spanking , it is also a great stress reliever for a husband too knowing that his wife cares so much about him , to take the time to spank him over her knee ! I am speaking from the point of view of a spanked husband , I always feel less stressed after my wife has put me over her knee and given me a dam good spanking till the tears are running ! i'm sure it does me good ! and my wife is a lot calmer and more relaxed after she has given me a good hiding ! so its a win win situation !

You and my wife would make very good friends , she too spanks me !

As thr wife/mistress of EP member gojohnnygo I agree with number 4 wholeheartedly. Never let him escape a punishment, he will take it as a sign of weakness to be exploited.Once I have sentenced slave to be punished he is tied naked to a ring set into the ceiling and given 5 lashes of the whip and 5 strokes of the crop.I then leave him to sweat for an hour know that he cannot escape but must wait helplessly for my return,fully aware of what I will do to him when I do. Usually on my return he is very very apologetic and almost begs me to let him off. I do not know why he does this as he knows full well he will be shown no leniency whatsoever. Males need to be kept in total submission to their female superiors at all times.

Wow. I was thinking of getting the water (frustration & hurt feelings) under the bridge while turning a deaf ear to begging. I want the spontaneity of the punishment to be as quick and painful as the rude behavior. It seems nurturing an eventual consistent "end" product (respect) from him is what I really want, without the administration of his lessons turning me into an oger. Stringing him up...I'd get too carried away. You probably have more control than I do.

My X used a razor strop on me bending me on all fours on the bed over pillows. If I got out hand she tied my wrists to the headboard with her nylons. Standing she could really swing the strap very hard full force. I was comfortable but my bare bottom caught fire after a good strapping! Yes she forgave me and we usually made love afterwards. My wife definatly got her revenge for my bad deeds!

My boy gets his spankings on Friday nights. He also gets an Enema on Saturday nights. This way all his infractions are accounted for, when the new week begins. I agree with you. I must be comfortable as well as him, as to give him a proper going over. spankeysmommy

Thank you for this excellent information. I've hinted to my wife a few times that she should spank me when I've done something wrong, but she just gives me the silent treatment for a few hours, and then gradually returns to normal with me. I feel that a sharp spanking would get it over and done with, and my subsequent apology would close the matter.
Any ideas on how to convince her? I assure you this isn't just some kinky fantasy of mine, but rather that I hate the way short comings on my part never seem to be sorted permantly, but just fester.

Take her to neutral ground (slack hours at a waffle house) and discuss it over coffee or tea. Use an outlined format: state the problem; the desire to deal with a bad experience with the "bottoms up" solution proposed; your resolve to its necessity for moving forward (men need reminders); present a safe word opt out (to avoid permanent injury or social humiliation affecting employment); makeup consequences
(help, chores, short term duty are optional add ons; results (reminder given, guilt can pass, forgiveness given, attitude adjusted) water under the bridge and we move forward. Final point: You're not asking to be bullied. Amends and adjustments are needed for a good relationship.

I learned at the age of thirty that a good spanking from a dominant woman was very theraputic for both. My first spanking left me breathless squirming on the bed still anticipating phantom blows. Several woman in my life continued to discipline me in every imaginable way. I learned to respect woman as my superiors and believe that the femdom lifestyle is a way of life. I still serve my wife as her houseboy meeting all her needs.

Well written - as a counselor, i have observed woman disciplining their husbands and sons, helped teach, and find that its a very good bonding situation and the karma of the house is always better when there is a dominant and submissive person sharing the home.. Nicely stated.

Excellent article! For those who may not have visited, the "tips and methods" section on the "Disciplinary Wives Club" website also offers good advice for wives who spank their husbands.

Does anyone know where to find this page at Disciplinary Wives Club-tips and methods? I have seen it referenced in a few other sites but could never find it.

the site has died in the last month. It is no more

The site is back but with a very different look. Same good content

27 yo male in chastity for his gf women take control i beleave in u

Your information is very good. My wife has learned quickly and has even bough a paddle for otk spankings . I've learned also to behave better.