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Mom Loves Stuff - House Is A Wreck

I'm the kind of person who likes to have stuff, but not too much. I know how to organize the stuff I want to see and store the stuff I need, but don't want to see. My mother is a packrat and has not figured this out yet. Every room in her house is a mess - her room has boxes stacked all around it of her partner's stuff. There are toys of mine that I didn't want that my mother refused to get rid of because she spend $XX on them that she has in her room. There are piles of clothes and laundry baskets all over the living room. The kitchen table is entirely covered in papers and garbage. The dog's kennel has boxes stacked about a foot high on top of it of my mother's partner's stuff that he refuses to get rid of and the top of said kennel is severely bent in.

My mother has a very hard time both getting rid of stuff she doesn't need and putting stuff away (or in the trash). So doesn't her idiot boyfriend. Everyone has to save every little scrap of crap, and then they complain about how they can't find anything. People will open a bag of food and then leave the bag open in the middle of the counter. Clothing gets thrown across the furniture and remains there. I often get so sick of seeing the house looking like such a pigsty that I clean it up just so I can see it semi-tidy for five minutes. Of course, I can't throw anything away that isn't obvious garbage (like food wrappers, which also are thrown on the counter)...I just have to stack and tuck. People often notice how clean it looks...but then they decide they need something that's a bit buried, so they tear the house apart looking for that one thing and then leave the mess behind.

And both my mother and her idiot routinely go through the trash to make sure no one's throwing away anything that's "still good." Mom's dug old make-up out of the garbage that I intentionally buried at the very bottom to prevent her from dumpster diving for it because she said she'd use it. That was about five years ago and she's never once worn it.

Another fun aspect is Mom will not let me get rid of stuff of mine that I no longer want. If she spent money on it 20 years ago, then I'm just going to have to shut up and keep it. And sometimes she'll throw stuff into my room too! It's bad enough I can't even use the closet in my room because it's full of all her old clothes from the 70s that she can't fit into, but yeah, toss those boxes and clothes all over my room since there's no more room in yours. And if I get irate about it, I get yelled at - how dare I not want my little space filled to the ceiling with crap like hers is.

Her house really has the potential to be nice...if she'd limit the mess to the basement or the garage. There's a spare bed in the basement, but it's surrounded by garbage like old clothes no one wears and car parts from her idiot. I bet if all the junk was moved into the garage from that basement room (and with a little second-hand furniture), it could be turned into a very nice little guest room/den. My old TV is down there, as well as an old VCR that still works just fine.Maybe her idiot could build a bar down there for himself.

I just...clutter drives me nuts. I just cannot fathom how people can actually stand to live in such a dump of a home 24/7. When I start to feel cluttered, I throw stuff out left and right until I feel like I can breathe again. I don't know if people in this house are just too lazy to clean up and put things away, or they somehow like the security of being surrounded by junk and garbage. Mom never ever entertains guests, most likely because she knows her house is an absolute dump and she's ashamed of it...but she won't do a thing to remedy that and have a house she can be proud of.
StrawberryPocky StrawberryPocky 22-25, F 5 Responses Nov 13, 2010

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I feel so sad for you and I hope that you are able to get on your own soon. My mother was like this somewhat. I think it would have been worse if my dad wasn't so clean and kept on top of her. She kept a lot of her stuff in the closet that I shared with my sister. I hated not having a space of my own, even a side of a closet. She would get upset because our room would be a mess but would never let us toss anything. I've found now on my own that I'm a fantastic declutter but a horrible organizer of clutter. Clutter gives me this horrible weighed down feeling that reminds me of my mother upset because I should be thankful with wall to wall things in my room and an overflowing room when I feel suffocated and restricted. Even now my mother will ask me if I still have something or that I better have something that she had given me years ago. I just say yes and that it's with my treasures in my crawlspace which actually makes her happy. I've found that I'm more of a minimalist... you should subscribe to some blogs. I'm betting it'll feel like a breath of fresh air reading about how much space people have. I love it!

StrawberryPocky: people get caught in their past, which represents their past achievements or struggles - I think maybe if they get rid of everything they feel they'll lose their way. It's a lack of self confidence. The good thing is, you like an uncluttered place and you can create your own life.

StrawberryPocky: people get caught in their past, which represents their past achievements or struggles - I think maybe if they get rid of everything they feel they'll lose their way. It's a lack of self confidence. The good thing is, you like an uncluttered place and you can create your own life.

lioness555: this is so sad. I hope your life is what you want it to be now.

I know what you mean. After my parents divorced, i moved with my mom and my brother to a different city and the first house we lived in she kept fairly neat. She still cared back then. After a couple years we moved to another house in the same city for stupid reasons like, she wanted a house with less stairs (the new one wasn't much of an improvement) and a house on a less busy street (again, not much of a difference). For some reason, this second time we moved, she couldn't be bothered to unpack a lot of her ****. It all remained in boxes in the ba<x>sement family room, a room I thought was pretty cool because of the fireplace and the bar and all the space... yah, space to keep her **** is what it became. I don't even know why she moved again, after remodeling the bathroom and kitchen in the first house, the place looked so nice, and we had a great backyard with a nice deck, freshly painted.<br />
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So the ba<x>sement family room and the spare bedroom were full of crap. When the year 2000 was approaching, she was convinced it was going to be like the end of the world, Y2K or whatever, so she stocked up on canned goods and put them all in the spare bedroom. Most of that stuff never got eaten.<br />
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Then the laundry room was always filled with clothes she was in the process of washing but it seemed she would leave it for weeks at a time and only do laundry when absolutely necessary. There was a second bathroom off the laundryroom and a door into the garage from there, and of course the garage was filled with more crap, no room for a car.<br />
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Her bedroom was overflowing with a bedroom furniture set meant for a much bigger room, along with all her clothes, some of them really old and tacky, and a bunch of stuff that just sat there getting dusty, cluttering every surface, nook and cranny. The bathroom counter top was cluttered with bottles of stuff never used too. She just stopped caring about cleaning for some reason. The kitchen became a mess, dishes never cleaned, just sitting in the sink and on the counter for weeks. The kitchen table was covered in paper and **** so we ate sitting on the couch watching tv. It wasn't long before there was clutter everywhere, and I tried cleaning up sometimes but it would always revert back to its state of grime.<br />
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To make matters worse, she went through this phase where she wanted dogs. The first one we got was a mixed breed puppy that liked to nip at people when it was in its teething stage. She took it to the pound when it nipped at my grandmas hand one day, instead of bothering to try to train it. Then she went and got a smooth coat collie from a breeder. It was cheaper because its ears stood straight up instead of flopping over at the tips like they are supposed to, so the litter wasn't showable. We got the dog when it was about 1 years old, and trained some basic commands into him, but my mom refused to keep him in the house for fear of what? Messing it up? So the dog spent his days in the backyard and in a crate in the laundryroom at night. Then she got a second collie from a pound, so at least he had a playmate in the backyard. But it wasn't long before she sent the smooth coat back to the breeder, and the new collie to a pound (one that didn't believe in euthanasia at least) She couldn't afford to keep them, let alone feed us. My dad had been giving her money monthly but when he was laid off work the money flow dwindled to a trickle.<br />
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Soon I was sick of the state of affairs, so when I turned 15, I moved in with my dad, who gave a **** about his house and himself. Soon my mom lost her vehicle and then her house. Now my mother lives in a little rented room. I've been there once. It's in the same state as the house was. Clutter clutter clutter. She's a nice person, she just doesn't know how to take care of herself anymore. It's really sad. I'm so glad I got out of that situation when I did. I was malnourished and living in a garbage dump.<br />
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My mom has had plenty of boyfriends since the divorce but most of them were creepers and none of them stuck. Frankly I'm not surprised.