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Please, Ignorant Women of Society, Stop Making Me Feel Bad For Not Being Married!

I think my first brush with this topic came when I took a Psychology of Women class in my undergrad.  I had a fabulous teacher who really knew her stuff and was able to wonderfully express all the pressures society, American in particular, puts on women.  Firstly, the marriage issue...

When I decided to start this group, I was feeling quite angry about the pressure that is put on me personally, to get married.  I feel that ever since I can remember, having a relationship is not only a must, but crucial to be accepted by society, especially as a woman.  I remember when I was in 4th grade, several of my classmates were having fake weddings on the schoolyard and how, even then, I was annoyed by how superficial it all seemed.  I remember thinking to myself, most likely subconciously, "Uh, they're not going to be together in 10 years, let alone by next period!"

I had always felt when I was younger that no guys liked me in school (I'm a straight 24 year-old female), and in many ways, I felt very unworthy of any type of romantic love.  When I got older and when I was in college, I was always skeptical of advances guys made towards me, because I guess I have ingrained in my head that relationships don't typically last, especially in the random hook-up way, which I completely and totally abhor.  However, in college and now in graduate school, I still feel like in many ways that I am ostracized because I "turn my nose up at" people who are clearly and blatantly, at least to me, in stupid, superficial relationships, just to be in a relationship-and that clearly aren't going to last.  I hate that I'm somehow supposed to respect people like that.  Because I don't.

Anyways, I think the main thought I had when creating this group was about a high school "friend" of mine who is constantly trying to track me down on the social networking sites I use.  I am not really crazy about her, I wasn't even in high school, but she keeps posting these OBNOXIOUS status updates, like, every 2 seconds talking about how much she loves her husband, how happy and in love she is, but if I remember her correctly, she was quite phony and annoying.  I have jokingly renamed her the National Marriage Authority President (NMAP for short) because that's exactly what she's doing: shoving her opinions of marriage on all of her friends, whether they be people she knows well or not at all, because she has clearly fallen victim to that societal pressure to get married.  Just because I'm not married does NOT mean I don't have my life together.  In fact, a lot of her status updates seem to be indicating she's fighting quite a bit with her husband, yet I'm supposed to bow down to her? Puh-lease.

I think what also made me mad about her tracking me down is the fact that she's trying to grasp onto as many people she can possibly get her hands so that she can show-off to everyone what an "accomplishment" she's made.  Mind you, she is unemployed-her husband is the only one that works, so she just constantly complains about how bored she is.  While here I am, working my *** off at grad school, barely struggling to pay my bills, and she's, in many ways, taking her life situation for granted.  It drives me absolutely crazy!

adropintheocean adropintheocean 22-25, F 6 Responses Oct 4, 2009

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primarily the oligarchy with lawyers leading the group do this, the intent is to get control of the properties of both persons and intent to enslave the two, the most good a marriage contract can do is protect children sometimes, f no children are involved there is no benefit of the two bound to the third the state

Thanks for responding. Even though in many respects I am very knowledgeable about UK culture, I was surprised to hear that the pressure I feel in the US doesn't jump across the pond! Once you mentioned you were from the UK, your viewpoint immediately made sense to me. When I think of the UK with regard to women's rights, and even other political thoughts, I always get the impression there are a lot more people who are willing to point out arbitrariness and put justice to things faster. Maybe this is getting off the topic, but I always felt when the US had a problem with something, the UK would always seem to think before it acted, while we ran around and made decisions impulsively, per usual. <br />
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Maybe I should move to the UK? (haha)

I've been in lots of relationships (I agree they don't last, especially if you're strong minded and strong willed), I've also spent a lot of time out of relationships. I enjoy both, I enjoy my freedom and total control of my own life, I also enjoy the companionship and physical activities within a relationship. I've never noticed any pressure from outside in regard to my relationship status (except maybe my mother), but then I don't give a rats arse about what other people think or do and I don't bother with any social crap. Maybe I'm more thick skinned and just don't notice.

I guess there are pros and cons to everything in life. I have experienced both and I would rather be in a relationship. Especially having a child. I think children need to be raised by a man and a woman. Not just that, it is very lonely.

I've never had a romantic relationship, but from what I suspect, your feelings of acceptance from everyone seem very common. I think the reason why I'm angry and, -sigh-, slightly jealous, is because I would absolutely love to be in a relationship and have those feelings that you describe having. However, for me personally, I am unable to lower my standards just to fill that void. <br />
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It sounds like from your experience that there are drawbacks to being in a socially recognized/accepted relationship, though.

The sad part is the way you are treated. When I am in a relationship with someone I get more accepted by people everywhere, church, work, public places. It's discouraging. Im the same person but I have to be buddied up to be recognized as a human being.