I wrote a story about the general view that a lot of people saw in me that I am going to be a great person. And then the other view that clashes with that is the view that I am nothing, that I won't be able to amount to nothing, which seems to be highly supported by my family.
At the moment that I am writing I am thinking of one particular incident that happened in my senior year. I overheard my dad talking on the phone to one of his stepsisters, my aunt, about their kids. My dad wasn't trying to hide the conversation at all but staring at me intently while it also ended up leading to another fight within my family.
Anyway they were talking about their kids - my two cousins as well as me. The first cousin was kicked out by his mother but of course he was soon taken in by the grandparents who gave him the whole basement to make his corner in while the second ended up marrying then moving his beginning family into his mother's basement while I was still without a job as I finished up my high school year.
They kept talking about how I would amount to nothing as well as how my aunt fell sorry that my dad had to put up with me. Of course when I brought up the cousin who had moved his family into his mother's house, they defended him upon saying that he had a job at least, which was the only reason that saved him. I felt betrayed by my family on this as I was trying to plan my future as well as finish up school at this point.
But of lately I have been wanting to write this conversation back to my aunt to braggingly show that unlike her kids I have actually done better. Although I am barely surviving I am still out on my own without the family supporting me or providing me shelter and that I never ended up dragging my family home to live with my parents. I know that this is bad thinking but I still have my moments that I want to prove myself that I am nothing. Also I know that they will deflate me by finding some way of making things look bad such as I haven't gone to college or joined the military *shrugs*.
The other group of people that say I won't turn out to do nothing of course are the jealous girlfriends, fiancees and wives of my guyfriends. I don't have much to say to that....
So it is an argued future path of what I will become... a boring nothing that does nothing right or a great person who proves myself to the world. Such a tantalizing set of choices to contemplate on.