Listen To Yourself Before You Listen To Him!

I met my now ex husband on a blind date. At the end of the date I told my roommates that he was not for me. I felt I needed a shower to get rid of him. A week later I was attending a party with him, a month later I was living with him, and a year later we were married. He managed in that time to alienate all of my friends and family and yet keep me so under his spell that I allowed all of it to happen.

We were married 20 years, and have 3 children together. It has been 4 years and I still wake up in a sweat from dreaming that we are still together. I wonder if I will ever recover. I worry for our children. He has alienated them against me, and thus I have very limited access to them or them to me.

As a cautionary tale, young women should beware. I was a university educated professional. In a few weeks this man had manipulated his way into my life, took over my finances, and put me on a meagre allowance of my own money. He didn't "steal" money from me, but he stole my life.

After 20 years I snapped. Control and emotional abuse had taken its toll. He was openly involved with our children's caregiver, and highly emotionally abusive to me. I couldn't take it one minute longer.

Now since he cannot accept that I have defied him, he has made it his life's work to ensure that I am as miserable as he can make me. He is the victim! He is the one who is suffering!

It is horribly scary to leave a home and a marriage when you have absolutely no support system, I won't sugar coat that part, BUT, I will say, if you can make it, it is worth every effort.

I am still terrified of this man, but I get stronger every day, and by sheer will I will not let him stop me from building my life on my terms.

If something feels wrong - listen to yourself. If you get any kind of hinky feeling, don't push it aside. These guys "hunt from the edge of the herd", they prey on weakness. No strong confident woman would put up with thier crap. You are important, you are valuable, you get a say. If the man in your life thinks, says or acts otherwise, don't let him stay in your life!

FirstWife FirstWife
Aug 5, 2010