But right now I'm numb. I'm trying not to think about anything. Haven't left my bed yet today. I'm afraid if I get up I will eat. I'm in this battle trying to decide if I should or not. I know I shouldn't eat anything but I want to. Problem is once I start eating I have problems stopping. I've gotten better with eating less when I binge but a part of me wishes I ate more solely for the purpose that I feel so sick that i can make myself sick. After every time I eat I am filled with guilt. I have to be skinny. I have to lose ten pounds. I have to get back down to 95lbs. I feel like once I get there I will be happy. Deep down I know I won't though cuz while at that weight all I wanted was to be smaller. I think I will just drink tons of water and go for a walk.
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18-21, F
Aug 21, 2014