Having Been There...

On the verge of committing the ultimate choice one can make in their short life, I've heard it before, it's selfish of you to take your own life, you should consider the people around you and how it'll hurt them, blah blah blah, BLAH.

I am 30% in agreement of that. Sure, it does hurt those around you, but it's not their choice. It ultimately rests on that person's shoulders because only you can take your own life into your hands. No one put a gun to your head and forced you to killed yourself. However; I am slightly torn (in my own insanity) whether or not a person can be accountable as the reason to the suicide. I'd like to say that one can be slightly accountable because one can drive them to that unhealthy irrational pained mindset. On the other hand, the victim can grow a back bone and say, "Hey, yanno what dude? **** you. I know the truth about myself and you're full of ****, end of story."

I will say that while suicide is the ultimate decision everyone must face alone on their own as it is self murder or a form of murder and only a murderer can answer to their crime, that suicide is not, how shall I put this? A legal choice. Alot of people say, there's no true reason for suicide; and that I don't necessarily agree with either because if there wasn't: suicide wouldn't happen.

One reason why I mostly disagree with "suicide is selfish" is because that's a guilt ploy. Anyone who uses that is using the person's guilty-self against them to get them to do what they want, even if it means saving that person's life, it is not (in my sense of justice) the method one should use to stop a future suicide. It doesn't help the person's already sick mind. Making them feel bad about thinking of suicide just makes them reflect darkly against themselves even worse, I know, I've been there.

Now, one good method to use on a possible suicidal person is to understand why they feel like that, explain to them that they are not currently in their right sane mind at the moment, they are irrational with heavy emotions and wary hearts and that they should wait to make that ultimate and grave decision when they are sane, rational and healthy and not pained in the mind, mindset or perspective.

If you've ever noticed, psychologically, most suicidal people are pessimistic and doomed in their perception. Some of them do not even want to see the positive in the darkness of Life. They want to cling to their wounds and they want to cling to the fact that Life is not perfect.

I used to be that way, but I was always told Life is a bowl of cherries, but I wasn't told about the pits. You live and you learn. I didn't truly want to die. I recognized that I wanted to live and I just wanted the agony of depression, pain or the turmoil to stop in my life. I realized then that such a thing cannot be possible. Life will always have turmoil, there will always be something to make you feel like you're in Hell on earth, for as long as you live.

So some people say to me when I tell them, "There will always be pain as long as you live, it's a part of life. It's what gives value to true happiness which is always rare." They say, "then I would rather die!" and I say to that, I would rather live than to have not experienced it at all.

Sort've like, "It's better to have loved than lost than to have never loved at all" except, it's change it: It's better to have lived and hurt than to have never lived at all. Do you understand? I hope you do because this is what cured me from being truly dangerously suicidal.

I still get the thoughts, the urges, the "Oh, just please ******* kill me now and spare me this" but I moan, throw a tantrum, go through a little depression-session and then I just shut it off and go back to Life. If someone shatters me to the point I start forgetting who I am, what I believe in and why I believe in it: I rebuild myself and when I rebuild myself: I make myself into adamant each time.

Still, like a computer that seriously needs fixing, my programming in my head is missing shortcuts and has programs mixing up and causing problems psychologically. My psyche is damaged and only I can fix it.

However, suicide is not selfish. One must walk that path in order to understand why it is not truly selfish. On that note, it's not selfish because maybe the people around the suicider deserve their grief for causing that person grief, but no one really wants to swallow that and I'm sure I'm going to get flamed for that statement.

I tend to actually believe no one should answer for one's own self murder. That choice rests solely on that person's shoulders and you can't really be blamed for it. Like I said, you can always tell someone to **** off if they're causing you a problem. Doesn't mean you have to go all out and kill yourself for their bullshit.

If you're certain that you did not cause your immediate relative or friend or lover any grief to cause them to commit suicide, then don't yell at me. You know the truth, what do you care what I think? It's hard to say. The person may have commited suicide because they hated life and themselves more than you can imagine, but I'll say this, did you ever stop to find out what they felt and I mean, did you actually get into their head?

Like I've said before, suicide is all about mindset and if a mindset is unhealthy, then you know suicide is a problem.

I hope no one takes this too personally or chisles it to stone. I haven't. Psychology is still studying suicide and why humans go to that extreme. I don't have all the answers, even about my own insanity. I just know one thing: I wanted a cure before I choose to completely give up.

I've made progress for myself and have actually stopped people (online) from killing themselves, but that does not make me a professional and you can take my beliefs, opinions, values, reasoning or you can give it the almighty middle finger...

It's always an option.

Happy ranting! :)



Neur0ticism Neur0ticism
18-21, F
8 Responses Mar 29, 2008

You pose an interesting point. That's true, no one knows for sure, in the words of Socrates "I only know that I don't know" and well, as much as I'd like to go into bible-thumping, I won't, but it's my belief that suicide isn't a sin that can get you into Hell. That's just catholic/church bullshit to me. I never remember reading any scripture or parable that said suicide is unholy or causes one to enter Hell or deserves God's damnation.<br />
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Think of the soldiers in war who had to jump on a bomb to save lives, he's willingly commiting suicide to save his fellow troops when he blows himself up. Does he or should he be sent to Hell also?<br />
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That's just my spin on it.<br />
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However, you're right, in a mind with a perception that is distorted, everything is a pool of mass confusion, self doubt, self hatred and depression. Which is why I believe suicide is not a very good choice when one is stuck in this rut, but no, it's not evil.

How do you know for sure that if you kill yourself that you will go to heaven. In quite a few religions if you commit suicide you go straight to hell. I mean that's quite a risk,no one knows for sure. Those who have gone before us can't tell us.<br />
I believe that God gives you life and only He should take it away.<br />
I decided this after attemting suicide numerous times with enough drugs that I should have been dead many times over.I saw how my attempts were hurting people I loved.I figured that I didn't die for a reason. I decided to stick around.<br />
There is no judgement here,just realize that if you are depressed and suicidal,it's really hard for you to look at this ob<x>jectively and see all the shades of grey....in those shades of grey might be your reasons for sticking around.

I agree. I am a black and white thinker as well. The evil in this world can be overcome but good people must combine and draw close together because it is getting harder and harder.

Oh, I agree somewhat, it's just, some people can't handle this realm's ruthless merciless non-stop constant torturing; torrorizing, yanno? So, these things that happen to me, those evils make me want to go Home. Home is where God resides, in peace, in glory, in everything clean and perfect and worthy. Without death, without pain, suffering or agony, without arrogance, complete neutrality. I can truly be happy with myself and be happy for what I was created, without the corruption of sin or evil of mankind or Satan's evil.<br />
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Think of it this way, on an extreme level, in this realm, you truly have a yin and a yang balance, good and evil. They compliment each other down here and both of those forces fight for the position of alpha. They always try to outdo or top each other every waking moment.<br />
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In Hell, you have utter and complete evil, a giant never ending mass of pain and just, pure concentrated evil. It contains the absence of anything righteous, holy or good. What evil we experience here on Earth is only a scratch on the surface of what Hell may be. Heaven is the complete absence of that. That's what makes suicide all the more tempting.<br />
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I can't take this Life's yin and yang combination and I definitely can't take Hell's total absence of peace and perfection, but I'll settle for peace and perfection in Heaven.<br />
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Now, this is sounding quite black and white and I have never tasted death, but this is what I believe to be true and I personally don't care where you go with it, take it, leave it, it's optional.<br />
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It always was and always will be.<br />
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But of course, I will be told, "You're a crazzzzy Christian! Evil and good are subjective! There is noo good and evil, only powerrr."<br />
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Nice justification, got any more excuses? :P

I believe we are eternal beings on a journey. Mortality is a time of suffering where we experience evil. We cannot enjoy the sweet without tasting the bitter. Your life has a purpose. Ending it prematurely frustrates the plan of god for you. <br />
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Try to find good people with which to associate. Humbly pray for help each day to find happiness. Don't give up.

I have thought of suicide myself then other times I just wish I would go to sleep and never wake up. SOmeitmes I wish I would be on the road at the right time and a drunk driver would put me out of my misery. I am not happy. I never have been. I just go through the motions but there is a little, tiny something way deep inside that says there is always hope that things might get better. I guess that's what spurs me on. If you can find a way to make it through each day, you might be lucky enoough to eventually fiure out what the hell you were put on this earth for. I am still waiting.

Thank you for saying so. Yes, I understand. I'm not sure how one could take their life and leave their children to figure out why. I suppose, a lengthy letter or a journal explaining many things, passing on wisdoms, but I think, only of the child is old enought to mentally take it. <br />
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Like say, past the age of adolesence and well into their 20's and 30's.<br />
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I also believe people should, before they truly take their life, consider everything, double-triple-check everything, the why's, the want's, the how's, the reasons for the suicide, everything. The whole bigger picture.<br />
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If at that point, after done analyizing everything, they still want to leave this realm, then so be it. That is their choice. <br />
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It's somewhat similar to that age old hypothetical question: <br />
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If a highly technological alien race descended upon the earth and they could only take one person with them to learn everything about the universe and it just happens to be you, but your entire family and friends don't want you to go, is it selfish of you to leave them behind and take the chance of a lifetime? <br />
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I don't think so.<br />
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Infact, I think it's SELFISH of them to ask you of that.<br />
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By the way, that's one of the Sci Fi genre's classic stories. Simple anology, but it puts things into perspective, or at least, I think so.

i think you make really good points ive been told that im selfish for trying to take my life but its the dominoe affect that it would have on my children that pulls me mostly from the brink otherwise im sure id be no longer here