To Anyone Who Thinks That Suicide Is Not Selfish,please Read. I Have Been On Both Sides.

I have been suicidal and thought as you are thinking now,I lost 3 family members to suicide so I know both sides.
Personally,I am glad that I did not take my life 20 years ago although I wanted to very badly and even tried over 20 times. I felt like you do now,that since I was miserable and didn't see a way out that I should be able to just die. Depression is probably the most painful disease ever,I broke my back and needed spinal surgery and it took me almost a year to get back to normal after trememdous physical pain.
You know what? I'd rather go through that spinal surgery again than a major depression so I can totally see where you're coming from.
However after time and considerable effort by me and my therapists,doctors,family and friends,I learned new ways to cope and to work through things and I noticed that my depression was lifting. There aren't any magic pills out there that will lift your depression nor will therapy alone get you well. You have to work on it like your life depends on it because it does.
I am now able to enjoy life so much more because of the lows I appreciate the "highs" so much more. And the "highs" only need to be something I enjoy like a beautiful sunset,a rose or time with my family.And since I learned new coping mechanisms nothing much gets me down and I've been through the worst stress ever this last year.
And yes since I am also a survivor of family member suicide I can tell you without doubt that it IS the most selfish thing you can ever do. You are telling your family members no matter how much they love you,have done for you that it is NOT good enough and you have to take yourself out anyways.
They will be sad and changed for the REST of their lives.They will feel like they failed you.They will hurt when they think of you and be angry.
So if you've decided to do this or anyone else reading this has just to understand what you are doing to your family. Depression hurts you the most but affects your family horribly if you die but with work you can get better. I got better and I'm nothing special. new Ajax.InPlaceEditor('cedit_572639', '/ajax/edit_entry_comment.php', {rows:5,cols:60,callback: function(form, value) { return 'c=572639&e=82150&comment=' + escape(value) }});


 

Justjoan Justjoan
46-50, F
2 Responses May 17, 2008

"You are telling your family members no matter how much they love you,have done for you that it is NOT good enough and you have to take yourself out anyways. "<br />
<br />
But what if all that is true? Sometimes there is just nothing that you or anyone else can do. It's not about you or anyone else. It's about this person and their pain. Not you and what you didn't do right.

Thanks Ward. :)<br />
As for my Uncle who was one of my family members I lost to suicide,I see that he really didn't see any other way out,he was elderly,in pain and very sick. I just hated so much that he chose that way and in some way I feel very guilty for not figuring out that he was that depressed. I feel like I failed him and I hate that.