Me Being Suicidal

Sometimes I wonder if people even care. When I hurt myself, I aim for sympathy. Thankfully I haven't accidentally killed myself. There's even at times when I pray to God when in the car, "Dear God, please let me get into a really bad accident and have me near death but my family fine. Please." I always wonder what difference there'd be. Who would care. What would be said. Who would come see me. Anything. My mind can imagine anything. I imagine myself, how I could die. Car accident, overdose, hanging, shot, plane crash, cutting, etc. I've tried to commit suicide....about 4 or more times . One when I was in 3rd grade by cutting myself, another in about 4th by choking myself to death, and this year a few. By cutting myself, overdosing on Ibuprofen, praying to get into an accident or a fire or something. I don't do those things to die, but to get sympathy. To get people's attention and notice me for once. I have bad self-esteem. I think I'm not pretty or Beautiful. I think I'm fat. I just don't think I'm all that special. I don't think I would make a difference. Sometimes I think it's time for me to go to Heaven to be with my sister, because I can't seem to handle it without her. Not having a closure on how she died, because she committed suicide.
KayKay12497 KayKay12497
13-15, F
May 19, 2012