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Not Fitting In...

Ever since I was in grade school, I just had this thing about not fitting in. I was shy all the time, and although I'm older now, and sometimes very intimidating, I still have relapses of not being able to fit in. I normally solve my problems by putting on what I call "my mask" and blend in with I guess people would refer to as "the in crowd". My sister was always popular, but I never was. Watching her and her millions of friends didn't help matters. The problem growing up is that I wanted to fit in with the cool kids so to speak. I had friends, they just weren't on that level of socialism that I wanted. I'm like one of those teen movies where the out of place kid tries to fit in with the cool kids. Well, I'll tell ya, there were no happy endings or acceptance like in the movie. In order to fit it most of the time now, I have to be someone that I'm not, and i just don't like that. The problem is I've been doing it so long, that I really don't know who I am anymore. At work, I'm the guy that brings all the jokes. Although they are light hearted jokes between me and my coworkers, I thrive on making jokes on others just as they were made on me growing up. Because of that, I'm in the circle, but at what cost? I'm lost sometimes, and just really wish I had answers....
iloveblackbarbie iloveblackbarbie 31-35, M Jul 5, 2011

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