Wish I Did

I am not very close to anyone. I do have friends, and we do things together outside of school occasionally. But when it comes down to my true self, the person beneath the surface, no one knows me. I am so afraid to tell my friends personal things and let them know who I am deep down. I have come to realize just how much not having anyone to go to to talk about my problems has affected me. It is so hard going through life with no support. It would be so great to have someone I could feel comfortable with to share my thoughts and feelings. When I think about opening up, I am seized by fear and think that they wouldn't want to hear my problems anyway, or that my problems are too serious to say out loud. I guess I'm kind of afraid that it will be awkward afterwards if I tell them, too. At one time I had two very close friends that I did everything with. But long story short, they kind of abandoned me and ever since then, I have been reluctant to get close to people. I tried to convince myself that I didn't need close friends, and I began to withdraw. Now I understand that I do, I just don't know how to get over the fear.