I Want Children, He Doesn't Know If He Does

My boyfriend and I have been together for over 4 years, we are 12 yrs apart, he has 3 teenage boys from previous relationships. We recently broke up for other reasons but have been talking about getting back together. He and I have always talked about having a child together one day, and I voiced very early on in our relationship, if he didnt want children we should end it before we get more involved. He has always said he did, and more recently after we broke up he said he still wanted that with me.

Things have recently changed and now he is saying he doesn't know if he wants to have anymore children. This is a huge deal breaker if we are going to get back together and move forward in life together. I respect this, however its extremely hard to hear. He has said he is concerned about his age, financial stability and the fact that relationships could just end. We did break up fairly abruptly, and I feel like this might have something to do with it, especially that he has had 2 serious relationships prior end, that involve children from each.

Is there a way to get him to see past the hurt and the fear of our current situation and look back to the past four years that we wanted children together?



czinno czinno
3 Responses Feb 27, 2009

Hi it is not up to you to convince him. Ask him what has changed. What do you really want? Good luck.

I totally agree with normajean6126. Either you want to or not!!!

I'll start right out-I have no children. If he already has children from 2 other relationships, then I feel you should really think about this. I am 35 yrs old, my boyfriend is 11 yrs older than me, he has a daughter who is 23, we have been together for 3 yrs. He has told me if I want children to tell him and he will move on(step aside basically). I feel if I wanted children I would've had them by now. (that's just me) If you want kids, then as hard as it may be, maybe the best thing would be for you to end it right now. You say he is afraid of his age, money situation, and relationships can end-well, people of all ages have children, as far as money, well I can't say much about that-I've heard kids just work their way in (there is no right time), and yes, relationships can end, but that doesn't seem like a good reason to not do anything-if everyone lived their lives being afraid of what if, where would they be?