I'm Very Confused....

     I never thought about having kids before now.  I don't know how to interact with them, talk to them, and I don't even know how to hold a baby!  I got married recently (1st marriage for both, and neither of us has kids), so I know that if I eventually want kids, it won't be anytime soon.  My husband does want kids, but I don't think he really understands what he'll be in for.  I'm only 25, my husband is 26, so we have plenty of time to figure it out. 

     I don't know if I would love being a mom.  I'm afraid of screwing up.  I don't think there are enough books in the world to teach you every aspect of parenting.  A lot of it you have to make up as you go along, and I'm afraid that I'll do everything wrong.  I don't have infinite patience, and I'm afraid of being one of those moms you see in the grocery store constantly yelling at their kids.  I love the fact that if I want to see a movie, then dammit, I'm going to go see a movie.  I love that freedom.  I remember how I was as a teenager, and it wasn't pretty.  I was so difficult to get along with.  I don't know how I would deal with a difficult child.  I'm still wondering how my parents ever put up with me...

     On the flipside, I just can't stop thinking about children.  My husband and I have the ideal situation; both mine and his parents live within 15 minutes of our house, and I have already overheard my mom and mother-in-law fighting about who would get to babysit first.  I know we would still have a reasonable amount of freedom because of that.  I am a hair stylist, and we are in the process of building a salon area in my basement, so it would be very easy for me to work from home.  We have a very firm handle on our finances, so I know children won't kill our savings account.  It seems the only reason for me not to have kids is fear.  Everything else adds up beautifully. 

    I am glad a website like this exists.  I used to think there was someting wrong with me for not having children.  It's reassuring to know that there are people who have doubts also.  Most of my friends don't have kids yet, so I don't have anyone to compare.  I have never been more confused.  I wish I could stop thinking about it so much, but my brain never listens when I tell it to shut up...           

lgraz83 lgraz83
22-25, F
1 Response Mar 4, 2009

Hi there,<br />
It's okay to be confused. You are young, and you won't know what motherhood really is until you go there. It doesn't matter what people do or don't tell you because they will always see things from their own perspective.<br />
It's sounds like you and your husband have set up a great future for yourselves. It's important to have that stability. It's important to have time for just the two of you too.<br />
You have plenty of time to start a family. Don't put the added pressure of guessing what you will be like as mum before you get there. If and when you do have a child, you will find your feet. And you say you have your family near by. They will be invaluable to you when you need some time out or time alone with hubby. All mums need that (and dads too).<br />
You have to be ready to commit a good part of your life and time to raising your kids. Sometimes it might seem like a huge sacrifice but it is well worth it. I have 2 girls, 9 and 6. I love them to pieces and have never regretted having them one iota. I started late with motherhood 'cause there were things i needed to do first. Yes your life changes, but in a good way.<br />
<br />
One piece of advice, no one is perfect, we all make mistakes. Hopefully they get smaller and more insignificant through the generations. And there is always help if you ask for it.<br />
<br />
Is there anything you wanted to do before you start a family? Now that i look back, I wish i had travelled more, studied more. Once you have kids it takes a bit more organising to get things done.<br />
<br />
Hope this has been a little helpful. Didn't mean to get on the high horse. Hope everything works out for you and your husband whatever decision you make.<br />
Good luck.