Here's My Miserable, Empty Life

Im only 14 years old, and all my life I've been filled with fantasy because reality is just so empty, hurtful and unstandable. I tried to kill myself on february, on my birthday, and I tried again days later. The pills didn't work, and there was no change in my life.
I hate my parents. I don't even consider them my parents; they're just caregivers, and I hate them. I never show my emotions to them, and when I am sad or crying I always hide my mood.
I have no friends, but just a few who just can't be always with me. And those who could really help, they just don't really care.
I've been having is kind of fear lately. I hate my life, it is so miserable, and want to die and start all over again. I feel incredibly useless and silly most of the time, I act like a 11 year old girl and maybe that's why people don't like me.
I am scared that if I kill myself, no one will really care nor get sad nor blame themselves for not being there for me thought they knew something was pretty bad. I wish I could "die" a few days so I'd see their reactions hoping they'll miss me and cry for me and suffer, and then awake giving everyone such a surprise... I know. I'm so silly. But I'm used to fantasize a lot.
Life's so upsetting to me, I only have severe pain in my chest, just waiting for someone to care enough.
I hate myself for not being able to be good enough, and I always look at the people I love and care about just giving lots of affection to other kids. And It makes me feel much worse.
I've lived in depression for two years now. Life is just getting heavier with every day I survive!
JaneLimNat JaneLimNat
13-15, F
2 Responses Sep 12, 2012

yeah i feel ur ain i just turned 13-15 n i have had to face u 2 my life ........ unlik u tho i hav my mum by mii side ..... if u still feel dis way lz contact mii

I understand the way you feel im 14 and my life is similar to you . U can talk to me too cause i know hoow it feels li,ke