I Seem So Happy...

Many might describe me as bouncy and happy.  But that is hardly the truth.  A few months into my relationship with my boyfriend I sent him a link to my live journal, it scared him to think those thoughts went through my head and all he ever saw were my smiles and constant laughter.  I explained it to him and told him I was fine.

Recently, my dad and I have been arguing... he arbitrarily locked me out of the house.  I haven't been acting like myself because of it.  Feeling so unloved by my own father. 

Well... I guess my boyfriend was more worried about me than I thought because he couldn't sleep one night because I didn't tell him exactly what was going on and... well... the next night he cried while we were in his car.  He'd mentioned to me before that he cries, but I hadn't seen in the almost year we'd been dating.  I thought it was incredibly sweet that he was able to be that vulnerable with me, and about me. 

But... as sad as I was at the time as well, I didn't cry.  I've cried plenty over this situation but not in front of anyone.  I love this guy to pieces, and I could not imagine myself being with anyone but him.  But I still can't seem to show him anything but my happy face.  

And the strangest part about it I guess... is that I keep replaying his crying in my head... I love its slow progression and how I realized that it was happening... and sort of knew instinctually what to do.  Since I find it so interesting... why can I let others see me in the same state?

debrarose debrarose
18-21, F
Mar 23, 2009