Warning: Marriage can be Frustrating

I have met about 3 men I wish I could have dated since my husband. 1 gay. 1 married. 1 single...and sexy as hell. But I'm married...and it was the MOST challenging experience to not just LEAVE the man whom I felt was contributing to my misery. Marriage Counseling wasnt working, even though I was doing everything that a wife could do. If I had not been married, I'm sure I would have slept with mr. single and sexy. Marriage is mostly combat during the first two years...because you're both trying to impose your identity onto the other person, hoping that if you make a convincing arguement, that you'll get your way. Ugh...some women resort to crying. Sheesh. Sometimes tears are sincere, but some people just use manipulation that is has proved to be successful for them. Me? I'm independant. Sigh. But I had to learn to...compromise with out losing myself. Anyway, if you think you can change someone...well with enough manipulation you might, but will they be happy with YOU? For the most part...neither of you will really change what's on the inside.  As for frustration...that will be a part of your weekly if not daily life. It just is. A 24/7 relationship is going to have frustration. Why do you think so many bars have a "happy hour"...a place to relax before facing the battles ==not at work== but at home. Imagine being with your mom 24/7 or dad, or brother or sister 24/7...every single day... would there be fights? frustration? marriage...becomes like family...because of the proximity. Pretty soon, everyone gets tired of the fighting...and the avoidance coping skill kicks in. If I don't talk to him, I won't get frustrated. Thats a natural reaction, but a dead end too.  KNOWING how to communicate, not to change a person, but to help you each understand and accept each other...is paramount. Without acceptance, you wont find true happiness. Knowing how to work THROUGH issues without creating a hateful and hurtful tossing of words game will also be an important skill. When people are hurt or angered, emotions act defensively...If you deal with problems defensively..with an attitude of  "you hurt me, so I'm going to hurt you"...nothing will kill a marriage faster. You have to know what is really creating the stress...have discussions about how to cope with it. Sometimes the discussion, even when full of frustration, is the coping mechanism. Then, letting go of the anger, and trusting tht there is still love. If you can't be honest, can't compromise, can't get past anger and frustrations, if you cant stand up for yourself and be with someone who can bend when it really hurts you that much...and visa versa...then don't get married. If you run away, then you really haven't grown, you have just run away.  AS for changing...the only people who can change themselves inside...is the person themselves...and if it isn't sincere...it wont last. And inner change...is hard for everyone but especially for people who aren't concerned with growing in healthy ways spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, and concerned about physical health.

********* Disclaimer...abusive relationships are not the type of relatinship I am talking about above.  If you are in an abusive relationship, there is nothing that you should be trying to salvage or grow from or accept. Abusive relationships should be avoided at the very first sign of abuse...abusive manipulative people KNOW how to control other peoples emotions, and once your in, its virtually impossible to get out emotionally. Abusive personalities have issues that require counseling and therapy...apart from you. If you suspect the person you are with might strike at you, please get out. If he ever pushes you, squeezes you in a hurtful manner, or hits you, get out and don't look back, or he will turn into a handsome prince full of promises like "it will never happen again, I promise"...and other hopeful promises anything you want...you will be swept off your feet as he continues to promise you the moon, till you take him back. And when he strikes again, each time will be worse. Each time with apologetic promises. 

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1 Response Mar 12, 2009

Keep your self- Love. You are not wrong about that at all. GET OUT A.S.A.P But...Try this on for size THEN.... Start practicing some real deep self-Love. ( From the inside out) You have the Breath of Life and Love inside you - like we all do. Remember to Love, Protect and Share it with & for yourself & others. Also do the same for the Temple your Breath of Life & Love resides in ..Your Body... Once you can do this the universe will forgive your transgressions. Your life will take on better choices and outcomes. If Love does not reside in the self..how can you expect others to Love you??? Keep trying Your Creator has things in control more than you think.<br />
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LOVE & HUGS, livingwell <br />
with True Love for Yourself...