I'm Just Very Very Ugly

I don't blame myself- I know it's not my fault- its just the way I am. But it makes me feel very awkward. I feel sad that my husband got stuck being married to me because every man deserves to wake up with a beauty and someone who makes them feel alive and vibrant.
I feel bad for my daughter too because she deserves a mother who is beautiful not awkward.

So what do I look like? No offense intended whatsoever it's just the image that comes to mind- I look like a lesbian butch. Shudder because I don't want to look like that but I can't change. My shape is my shape and my face is my face.

I think there is a slight chance I could change if I had the communication skills to describe what is wrong with me but I just don't.
My face is not jaundice but it's brown in the shadow. My hair is just plain dull and thin. And there is a quality I do not know how to put into words.

I think if I could trust someone who was skilled enough to tell me if I could cheng or how to accept myself I could move past this. But for now, it's a tough awkward thing to live with. I realize upon meeting people I'm instantly judged for being inferior. It's sad.
QuestionMarks QuestionMarks
41-45, F
4 Responses May 13, 2012

I understand. I know my flaws & they're difficult to fix. I feel sorry for those around me & I hate having my photo taken, I always feel like the ugliest one in the group. I seem to be surrounded by beautiful people. I am a good person. I'm ethical, caring, giving, generous & helpful. I'm just physically unpleasing to the eye & for the time being that's the way it is.

Anonymity is fine and perhaps safer than letting "it all hang out," but at the risk of making children cry, I posted my ugly-old-chubby mug on EP because I'm past my "sell-by-date" and "not looking for a mate" and (Ha!) want to deter any lust filled thoughts. I just like to write my blog http://ron-dawson.blogspot.com/ and share poetry, haiku, thoughtful and sometimes provocative thoughts, or joke around . . . not to charm off a lady's pants but to have an outlet for my charming rants.

I recently posted on EP this poem "Five Senses" which I dedicate to you and any woman who does not think she is beautiful.

Women are like a
Bouquet of many Colors

Each hue, size, and form pleasing
Detect their sweet fragrance

Taste their honeyed essence
Hear their gentle whispers

Touch their dream-like soft petals
Watch them Blossom.

As it was always said, beauty is only skin deep, but what is inside, is what really counts. If a person can not take you for who you are, then it is there lost, from knowing a person who is beautiful in side.

There is far more to beauty than superficial things. You are beautiful. Remember that always. :)