I Am Gay...

I don't like gay guys they are really weird and I hate freaks talking like faggots. And stupid lesbians trying to turn straight girls into lesbians.

I don't support myself either. I won't marry a man and I won't do anything with my sexual life or gender identity. But I will do whats right. I wish I could be normal.

there is this girl who cuts herself, who is grieving at her break-up and she is in so much pain, and she needs a guy to be her man, or you know, boyfriend.

I really want to but I'm gay, and also honestly, if I could pick my future completely I might be a transgender girl but I can't.

its too sinful and so I know in my heart I have to be a man, and I honestly would just love to turn straight.

I would take that pill, to become straight.

you know.....? what hypothetical, "if there was a pill that would make you fall asleep and you would turn out straight and normal." I'D TAKE IT! I would change who I am.

there are so many girls who need a loving, sensitive, caring man and I can be it, but I really wish it could be all forreal. No secretly-gay-anything. I cannot be deceitful and hide stuff from this girl, not now it would be awful.

so I want you guys to understand why I can't be with her. I just can't be a lie to her now. I know that if I was truely straight I'd be her man and change her world.

But I feel so guilty. In the back of my mind I do know that I would be this way forever.

since I have had such deep crushes on men and I have thought about various crushes of men which I don't to women so thats how I know I'm not bi or straight.

I don't feel a REAL ACTUALLY love or crush connection to her. I feel this way to various guys. Its an abomination I know.
oh and btw sometimes ppl assume this, but I am not weak at all so don't ever assume That!!!!!!!! But other then that,

I would change who I am.

I would do it for this girl. :( why can't I? :'(
confessionstotell confessionstotell
13-15, M
2 Responses Dec 7, 2012

I sort of stumbled across this story but feel i have to reply. I am in no way or means in any situation similar to yours but as everyone i have my own life experience. And not knowing you personally its a hard thing to comment on, but i would say it sounds like you are one of the few good people there seems to be on this earth. But you dont have to put yourself through this torment, cant you just be there for her as a friend? you shouldnt have to change who you are, be proud of who you are because its you, its your life, so live it my friend.

Prayer can help you out, and so can faith that God is willing and able. I recommend that you talk to one or more friends that you trust, mentioning that you have gay attractions and crushes. Let them know that you wish that things were different. If the same gender is too much temptation to you, then I guess limit it to females that you trust. And by the way, if gay is what you DO not, it's what you ARE not. If gay is just a temptation to you but you do what you can to NOT give in, I'll call you victorious!<br />
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I don't know where you or the girl that cuts herself arrived, from last December up to now, but I suggest be a really good friend to her. She would quite likely appreciate the honesty, if you tell her right from the start.<br />
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So she needs help because something's troubling her, and you need help because something's troubling you? I wager it would mean a lot to her to know that she's not the only one being troubled. You know, relate to her in some way. Be willing to be of help to her in HER situation the best you can, and ask that SHE do the same for you in YOUR situation the best SHE can. That's what friends (and more than that) are for.<br />
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I wish the best of luck to you and I will pray about your crushes on men and how you can help this girl. I believe there's hope ahead and something will work out. God bless you and her too. Amen.