Where Does Your Thoughts Come From?

Now I am not an individual that is giddy with newfound love. Nor do I feel the need to play games to let you into my heart. Why is it then that the connection seems to be wavering. I try to understand how a male thinks when it comes to the one that is professed to be the love of his life but I really have no clue. Have you forgotten to acknowlede that I am here? You know when your friends are here - they get extraordinary treatment even when their acts appear somewhat barbaric. Your command is my wish should have been goal in life. Can you not hire wonderful people that will cook, wash and serve you? If you can then why am I here? Oh yes you do not have to put out financially for service. Perhaps that sounds somewhat cynical. After all are we not supposed to be good nurturers and givers without ever asking for anything in return? Is it selfish to want a thank-you or a compliment which is afforded more to strangers than those close to us!

When does one reach a conclusion that no matter how much is given nothing will be given in return. At what point do we stop trying. I do not want to become one of those people that assumes the worst about everyone. I want to be someone who believes that everyone is deep down good. That they would not hurt another. Am I living in never never land? No I do not think so. My belief that good will always win out over evil has to be the standard to live by. I cannot accept nor will I anything less.

So in conclusion if you choose not to reciprocate on an even level and I am the one putting forward more than I will ever get then the next decision is up to me. And the answer is no I am not willing to settle for mediocre, I am willing to settle for the best effort! Only with change can that happen.

maxwell maxwell
46-50, F
4 Responses Jul 19, 2007

I think you are asking the right question, but looking in the wrong place for the answers. Many men (and masculine women) love their partner internally - in their mind, they don't need to *do* anything to demonstrate it. Thus they are infamous for not being demonstrative, or affection. So the question "does he *really* love me" is not going to be answered by looking in that place. I guess the important question for you, though, is "*can* he love me the way I want him to"... maybe now that you have a clear, definite idea what you want, and the alternative is leaving him maybe he should get the opportunity to see if he can provide that, or lose you? It is difficult to communicate this to men, you need to use our language, not yours.

You been married a long time? What kind of attention were you getting at first? Did this type of affirmation come and go and come and go over all these years? It it completely gone now? For how long has it been gone?<br />
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I was head-over-heals in love at age 18 with my neighbor and frequent date...a boy I knew since I was 7 and he was 9. <br />
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We talked of marriage when I was 18 but he left to build his musical future and found someone to marry who was not two years younger and who had family and means and who fit his ideal of a frail creature needing care and protection. <br />
My dad was very like him, cultured, warm, a listener, wise, and affirming. <br />
was married TWICE to nice guys but they were not able to connect with words,actions and touches like my first love. They were not good listeners or warm. <br />
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In August of this year, I will have been married to my first love for TWO YEARS. I thank the Universe we found eachother again. <br />
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Neither of us has changed in personality or ways of connecting. <br />
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IF YOUR PRESENT LOVE DOES NOT, OR NEVER HAS BEEN ABLE TO CONNECT, IT IS SIMPLY THAT...A POOR CONNECTION AND IT WILL NEVER CHANGE. <br />
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It is your choice to stay and receive crumbs, or go find your substantial sustinance, and maybe even a banquet of a relationship. <br />
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I am nearly 60, he is 60. We are both <br />
very happy, and all the time inbetween our being together seems like only a moment. Daily we bask in the warmth of affirmations and joy.<br />
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There are underlying boundaries well grooved in our make up, that sprang up from our parents' patterns of loving eachother. <br />
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These patterns, found in him and me, match like hand and glove.<br />
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Good luck, <br />
<br />
R

Sometimes no matter what we show to people there must come a point where we are exhausted and since it is never reciprocated we lose the will to find meaning into wanting to do anything.

Sometimes people overlook or take for granted that which is closest to them. Maybe he needs to understand somehow what you mean to him, what you do for him.