I Hate Sobriety

I have done drugs for a long time. I had. I've been clean and sober for almost a year, this proving my "I can quit any time" argument.

But I'm so BORED!

I've tried all sorts of hobbies. All sorts of crafts, made new friends, made up with old friends, broke up old friendships...I've bathed in holy water!

Yet nothing can quite give me the release that opiates gave me.

And nobody quite gets that.

I'm doing fine.

But periodic drug tests are the only thing keeping me from falling off the proverbial wagon.

Not actual self-restraint.

I have not grown as a person.
heyoblomov heyoblomov
18-21, F
6 Responses Oct 7, 2006

I hate being sober! I was a functional, daily opiate user for just over 15 years...half of my life. I decided on my own, mainly out of frustration , to do up the rest of my morph on a Sunday and go cold turkey the next day. I had tears welled up in my eyes as i railed the last of it. I felt like Thurgood in Half-Baked saying goodbye to MaryJane b4 tossing her over the bridge. I was saying goodbye to my BEST FRIEND in the entire world...It had been my friend almost EVERY SINGLE DAY...thru the worst of the worst life situations...When NOBODY else was!!!!

Im goin on 7 weeks with just dro and one beer. The Withdrawals really werent that big of a deal...I had def been there and done that b4!!
Quitting seemed sooo easy compared to now. I have hated just about EVERY day without my Best Friend!! This kinda life seems waaay more frustrating than trying to plan out how i was gonna get high each day. This kinda life is F'N BORING AS ALL HELL!!! I have pretty much gone thru all the steps of grieving...and that wud b leaving out the step of "acceptance", not sure I EVER WILL accept my life this way.

I HATE LIVING LIFE SOBER!!!!

Man, you guys are making me want pills! I experimented with other substances. I only tried a half of a methadone tablet once and only felt it a little bit. Since I can't afford opiates, I use alcohol and alergy tabs sometimes.

IVE BEEN ON OPIATES FOR TEN YEARS AND IM 23 ...**** IM ON EM RITE NOW ....<br />
I STARTED WITH VICODIN THEN NORCOS THENPERCOCET THEN DARVOCET THEN MORPHINE THEN FENTALYN THEN DEMEROL AND THENN ...HEROIN AND OXYCONTIN(OXYCODONE) OR A LOT OF PERCOCETS TOGETHER LIKE MAYBE 10 ..... IM NOT BRAGGIN ..MY POINT IS I TRUELY UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FELL ..CUS IN MY HEART I WANNA QUIT AND BE A BETTER PERSON AND HAVE A RELATIONSHIP AND MEANINGFUL LIFE ..BUT I JUS CANT QUITE PICTURE MY LIFE WITHOUT OPIATES OR OPIOIDS ...AND IT SUCKS ALOT CUS IM MISSIN OUT ON GREATER LIFE AND AM FU#KED UP ALL THE TIME OR SICKER THAN HELL WHEN IM NOT

I can understand that. I was addicted to opiates around 7 years ago and quit because it was causing a lot of problems for me, but once every few months I still take a pill here or there. I've been doing this for a few years knowing I shouldn't do it, but thankfully nothing terrible has happened yet. If it makes you feel any better, I understand and am proud of you for quitting completely.

Yeah. Sucks kinda screwing yourself over for life at an early age. <br />
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But you're right.<br />
Just gotta deal with it. <br />
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For me it's a constant schedule of keeping buys. Doing whatever, just keeping busy busy busy.

I get it. I used painkillers religiously for awhile. I smoked opium for awhile, and now enjoy the occasional painkiller or poppy tea buzz. I understand what you mean about release.<br />
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Nothing will give you the same release that opiates did. The trick is to become content without that level of pleasure.<br />
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Unfortunately, opiates seem to be a lifelong relationship. I don't have any problem controlling my usage, but the desire is always there. I think I will desire opiates till the day I die, and will just have to learn to deal with it. You will probably have to do the same.