What She's Worth..

It started at a graduation party that I went to uninvited.. ha cause that's me. I went with one of my good friends Ashton to find something to do that day, and we did far more than that. For a few hours we just sat around but then Donald brought out a football so Donald, Ash, and I started out by playing catch in the pouring rain. After a little while Brittany and her cousin Tabby joined in. We threw it around for quite a while and decided we wanted to play a game. We got together a bunch of people and all played games on and off for hours. Ashton said something that angered Tabby and she was about to stop playing, so I threw the ball down and started walking angrily at Ash but Tabby grabbed my arm and made me stop.. So we continued to play and the day finally came to a conclusioin.. or so I thought. We went into Donald's house where Tabby would be spending the night, and I kinda already started to like her, and there was a girl named Jessica who had to leave so I gave her a hug before she left cause again.. that's just me. So I asked Donald to see if we could spend the night and he did and we could which made me very very happy. So Ashton, Brittany, Tabby, and I stayed up all night long and just got to know each other.. and Tabby was soo much like me it was crazy.. and I was falling already. Tabby and I gave each other back massages throughout the night and I was getting even more and more attached by the moment. She'd had a boyfriend named Keith which obviously made me upset, but I knew that she lived in Pittsfield and figured there really wasn't a chance of us happening anyway.. The next morning I almost let her leave without even saying goodbye. She had to come back in to grab something so I hugged her tightly and told her bye.. tough, but life goes on right?

So I kept living my life like nothing happened because in reality nothing had.. nothing spoken of. Tabby hadn't left my mind since the party and I talked to people and they were saying stuff like,"Pittsfield isn't that far, just date her" and I'd say, "It just can't happen, trust me." One day I logged into my myspace and saw that I had two new friend requests, one was from Jessica and one from Tabby. I was kinda like "Alright". So I was sitting outside my grandma's and Brittany told me that Tabby liked me and was comig back down on Thursday and that I should hang out, and I was like "yeah sure" but in my head I said, "Of Couse!!!" Tabby had broken up with Keith for me.

A few days later I was at my house and Jessica started IMing me, saying that she liked me and all that.. she had also broken up with her boyfriend after the party, I assume for me. I told her that I was into Tabby and would probably date her, which dissapointed Jessica but again life goes on right? I had chosen Tabby over Jessica even knowing that Tabby lived much further.. much further away. The day came that me and Tabby were hanging out and it was the very last day of school and seemed to take sooo long and it drove me crazy. When she finally got to Bennington, at first we really didn't talk much and were shy and I didn't like it at all. We went out back to throw a football and I walked up behing her and said, "So do you want to go out with me or what?" she replied, "I don't know.." "You don't know??" "I do know, the answer is yess." And she smiled at me. We spent the the next few days together.. she made me happy.. happier than I've been in a very very long time, years. We were sitting on the bench out behind my grandma's house with abunch of people and my arm was around her.. James kept saying we had to leave because our ride was there so I kissed Tabby for the first time. My heart skipped a beat.. or so it seemed and I stared into her eyes for a quick second and followed James. He turned around "I was kidding they're not here yet." I smacked him and turned back around and sat with Tabby again.. god this story is hard to tell. A couple of days later she left I said goodbye.. blah blah. Now obviously we weren't able to see each other easily so we talked on the phone, texted each other, IMs.. so I decided I was going to go up to Williamstown to see her because her dad lives close to there and we planned it all out and so it happened. We spent the whole day together and I loved it.. it was amazing!! And it ended as everthing good does. I walked her back to North Adams and got lost on my way back, but I met a man who helped me find my way. After that day there was no doubt that the distance had nothing at all on her and that it was something that I could live with.

She was nervous about telling me that she loved me about a week into our relationship because she didn't know how I'd react. She texted me telling me that she had something important to say and to check my messages on myspace when I got the chance. So I did and of course I felt like I loved her too, which I did so I told her exactly how I felt. We were happy together. She wrote me a poem wonce telling me that she's always love me no mayyer what and that if I asked her to marry me she would.. I also wrote her one. It felt like our relationship was invincible and I would be happy with her forever.

A few days ago I slept at my friend Ashton's house and we had a great time just chilling and doing whatever. I woke up the next morning and stated, "Today is gonna be a bad day" and Doug and Ash were like. "Why" and I simply said, "I just feel like it is." Ash and I walked to his mom's work to grab soda and then I headed back to my house to find something to do. I got on myspace and had 1 mail... This is what it said "alright chris, this aint easy to do..but i dont think this is working out. we live too far away & i dont know when i can see you. so its over..im really sorryyy!...well bye" The second I read that I walked out the door to my house and just held back everything.. no tears no expressed anger, and I didn't know what to do so walked.. and walked.. and walked. I made it to about 3 miles from the Vermont/Mass border before my friend Luke, who knew Tabby picked me up and drove me to the Williams inn. Not too far but a ride is a ride. I walked from there to North Adams to her dad's house, remembering where it was, and asked him to give me directions to where Tabby lives in Pittsfield. Prior to this I'd never even met the man but he knew who I was.. well probably thought we were still dating, but he drew out a map for me to follow. I was very tired and had walked more than 9 miles not really sure exactly how many but I wanted rest. I'd left about 1:30 in the afternoon and it was now 7 or 8 at night. I forced myself to continue though.. forced myself to go on. I walked.. and walked and walked, and it took soooo long, and it hurt. It was for her though.. I'd have done anything if I thought I could save us. The night greew darker as the miles got longer and I passed through Ashford.. **** if I knew where that was.. but I was still following route 7 and knew I was going the right way.. It seemed sooo long. I was trying to hitchhike but noone was going to pick me up.. they just passed by like I didn't even exist. A man pulled over who was heading in my direction at first, and parked with his vehicle facing me sp I approached the window. He was looking at a map so I asked him if I was heading in the right direction. He said I was but I had about 25 miles to go and that I'd already walked about that from Bennington.. I was only half way there.. Now I'm only 16 years old and have barely even left Vermont in a car.. This is so far the longest and most difficult journey I've endured myself so far. Miles and miles of empty highway.. at one point I tried to lay down and sleep but there was no way that was going to happen, my legs were giving up on me, but still I made them continue. I still walked with my thumb up.. hoping someone would pick me up.. take me at least a little ways. I remember looking back and seeing three sets of headlights approaching. I put my thumb up but in my head said, "Not that it matters, not like you guys are going to stop..." but one care pulled over ahead and began to back up.. saved me right when my heart's will was finally about to be overcome by my body's limits. The vehicle backed up as I walked forward. "Where you headed?" The man driving asked. "Pittsfield." "Get in." I thanked him and told him that it meant a whole lot to me, he and his girlfriend were the two nicest people I'd met throught this trip. She said that she felt my pain and told him to pick me up. I gave him the map and he said he's even try and get me there. His girlfriend happened to be from Bennington and knew who my cousin was.. small world. They brought me to Pittsfield, well what was left to travel and tried to find the street which they couldn't but they tried. I appreciated it and they dropped me at a convenient store. I found the street by about 2 or 3 am and stayed at a basketball court close to it. It was a long cold night and I couldn't sleep.

A couple hours after sunrise I went to her house.. the hardest part of this journey was yet to come. I knocked on the door and told the man who answered that I needed to talk to her, and she came out. I hugged her for like ten minutes.. "You see how much you mean to me now?" I asked. No reply.. "I love you." No reply. A knife just tore through the threads that had barely managed to keep what was left of my heart together. God that hurt.. "I really have to go.. we're leaving soon." "Your mom won't let me hang out today?" "I don't know."
She walked inside and shut the door. "Tabby!" No reply. I walked and sat at her porch for about 5 minutes. I knocked again and she came out again and we hugged. "I really do have to go.." "So I just walked 50+ miles for nothing?" "I didn't ask you to." "Will you at least kiss me??" "I can't" "Why not??" I just.. I can't. I'll tell you later." I turned around and slammed the door shut behind me.. I punched the pillar next to me feeling it crack under my fist. Then I began my journey back. I walked a few miles to the Greylock Physical Therapy place and waited for a ride, which by the way was yeaterday. I got back and got this message on myspace, "dnt show up at mii house no more....dnt even come round here. ya kno wat..dnt even talk ta me no more. u seriously think itz easy for me ta do dis ****..? well it aint. i cnt jus stand dere n talk to u bout wat happeneed between us..it dnt work lyk dat for me. i kno u want us backk..but it cnt happen. u live dere & i live here. u got ur world..i got mine. dese past couple dayz..before i broke up wit u, honestly...i forgot we were even dating. itz jus too different now, & dha distance is too much. i needa focus on wat ii want & watz best for me & mii family. & dat iz ta get a job ta support mii soon ta be baby, cuz suttin happenz ta mii ma trinity iz mine. i need to be ready ta support her. & i need focus on school & keeping mii scholorship...& i cudnt kiss u cuz den i knew i wudnt be able to let goo..& den i wud be a cheater..yeauh im back wit keith. but u wanted ur explaination...so dere it is..but chris dnt talk to me no more dnt even look at me wen im in town & sure as hell dnt come back to mii house. u do..ill call dha copz. & u had no right slamin mii doorz n ****, ya broke dha door nob & ****. i jus cnt do dis no more..well bye chriss...dnt reply either."

Unfortunatley that's how this story ends.. I walked somewhere around 59 miles to prove my love to her.. nothing is ever enough.

4ls4el8vyk 4ls4el8vyk
1 Response Jul 29, 2010

chris, <br />
we need to talk badly! im sorry to hear about u and tabby. u guys were good together. and u were really happy with her i no. but dont be sad. everybody has had atleast one bad break up. but the message she sent to u as an "explanation" kinda makes me mad. like u really have to concentrate on it to get wat shes saying. like why couldnt she talk like a normal person since it was the last time she wanted to talk to u?? i just think its dum! sorry. and also.. she s having a baby?? or atleast i think thats wat that said in there. im so confused! soo.. sometime when your on facebook when i am, we r having a talk mister! kuz we need to catch up. haha. but. please be happy christopher:] <br />
love your ex wifey, <br />