I'm primarily writing this to the vets out there. My name is John. I'm a Vietnam Vet. Class of 68-69. I know how tough it is to come back to the "world" and pick up life where you think you left it. I know I just couldn't connect. I didn't get civilian life at all and was pretty sure I wasn't going to make any effort at trying to be anyone's buddy. I was pissed 24/7. I would pass out from wanting to just shut the whole world out. Well this isn't about me. I got sober. I would be flat out dead without A.A. I didn't like it in the beginning but no one there was telling me anything that could or would hurt me. Back in the day you could be next to a vet at a meeting and the only reason you found out was because he killed himself the weekend before. Back in the day there was no diagnosis for any combat related stress. I'm 65 now. I was 27 when I got sober. Emotionally a lot of things that I use to do in my 20's started coming back. The anger especially. Waking up and in a split second punching a hole in the wall.
If it was't for A.A. I don't think I would have anywhere to talk about some of the feelings that I thought as a man I was just suppose to suck up and move on. I go to counseling. Yeah. I thought that was for weaklings. Well handling my feelings with my head in an oven leaving a wife and child behind filled me with shame which filled me with anger,which filled me with isolation,which filled me......

So at 65 Mr. Get High Freak is dealing with all the s..t that was suppose to have stayed behind in country. That's okay. I'm not what I use to call a professional veteran in a bar making sure I'm wearing my barstool seat belt before I blast off into oblivion. Just for today no one is going to kill me---most of all me. Today I look for younger vets when I go to meetings because we can do what I can't do alone. I know a lot of you guys are gonna suck it up,but you know and I know there are places in your head only another vet whose been there can go. I also know we can do together what I can't do alone. If your a vet and you can understand even a little bit that I've written and your not finding emotional stability in self medicating (drugs,alcohol) give A.A. or N.A. a try. If you don't like what you here at one A.A. or N.A. meeting try another meeting. He'll if I didn't like one drug or one bar it didn't keep me from trying another. If we don 't care about us who will. You need your life and people need you in their life.
lifeisforfree lifeisforfree
66-70, M
Aug 18, 2014