What Is The Difference Between My Convictions And Fanstasies?

So when I was pulling my tarot card for the night, What stood out to me was this statement; "You must know the difference between your convictions and your fantasies."

What are my convictions?
What are my fantasies?

Do I hold to this idea of what love is because I believe it to be true or because I fantasize it to be so?
What do I truly believe? So many ideas and theories in my head. Spiritual some call it. but it is not in my heart, therefore, I cannot believe. 
I have believed in different things at different stages of my life, and each stage brought me a little more understanding to who I am.

First there was the way I was raised. I fully believed everything they taught me. I followed with a grateful heart to be counted worthy for Christ. Worthy to suffer with Him and like Him to say, "Not my will but Thine be done". I surrendered my all to this god I was taught and in that full surrender I met the God that is. He became my best friend, He talked to me in the times when I had no where to turn. And during this time when I believed this way, I learned my strength and I learned I was never alone. I'm grateful for the time when I believed this way.


After that, when I left the way I had been raised, I decided I wouldn't believe in any god at all. And so I ploughed through life believing that if I was going to achieve anything, I would have to do it because there was no one else. And during this time of my life when I believed there was no god, I learned how to be physically and financially independent. I am grateful for the time when I believed this way.


Then there was a period where I wet searching from one church to another hoping to find a way to fill the void inside me, and during this time I learned that each place had good things I could use and that I didn't have to believe everything I heard. Hear I developed my sense of what was right for me and what was not.


Then I began tapping into my psychic abilities and began studying Tarot and giving readings and communicating with other spirits. I lived for a long time watching signs all around me unfolding where I was to go from there. During this time I began to see a whole new world of beautiful hearts. Hurting hearts for sure, but beautiful!


Then I went through Reiki and using this energy of pure love and light to heal. from there to Shamanism, meditations and during this time learned how to go back  and forth into other lifetimes and understanding more and more of what my purpose is.


Now I find myself floating,not quite sure what to believe. From everything I practiced and believed, I have derived bits and pieces of who I am. I may not be able to define what I believe, but I guess my best interpretation would be;    



And when I say love, I'm not talking about emotions between two people. I'm talking about loving myself unconditionally!

phoebe55 phoebe55
51-55, F
1 Response Jan 14, 2013

I can relate to pretty much everything you said- felt so similar through life and search and studied many aspects of 'possibilities' and what life is all about. You are a few steps ahead of me with such incredible experience as a healer and shamanism meditation. I also came to the same conclusion - we are here to love! And so right to say loving yourself unconditional is the key to it all. Happy to meet you- thank you for your words and thoughts!