Why Can't I Believe This

he tells me all the time, and i still can't believe it?  why why why?  me me me.  i don't love myself.  my husband doesnt' love me and it's ruined my self esteem

hiyaa2010 hiyaa2010
2 Responses Feb 24, 2010

i should have siad the guy that tells me is another married man i'm having an affiair with. my husband of 10 years (after 3 marriage therapists later) is just hopeless and i'm trying to get out of my marriage. it' sso hard with two kids....i'm graduate school educated from one of hte best shcools in country own my own business, am very intelligent supper funny and witty and get complimented on my looks and figure all the time (i'm athletic but a surgery has severly sidelined me). it's so sad b/c i dont' know where my self esteem issues went wrong but probably from childhood (dad abadonment - divorce) and my current marriage. i do some of the things you mentioned but need to do more. learning to love yourself is the best gift in life....and belivee me, i've been burned by friendships i thought were real recetnly so be grateful for your loyal friends, you only need about 2 or 3 to make your life count....

I used to be the same way. I even dated losers (real losers, not mini-losers) until I was 26. I'm educated, and come from a good family. I just had low self esteem. Honestly, I still do - a little, but not as much. The truth is that physical beauty only matters a little bit. My one friend is drop dead gorgeous, but she's an idiot. Guys stalk her, but she has few true friends. All you can do is be the best YOU. So here are some things that I do: <br />
I don't dress frumpy & go out - it makes me FEEL frumpy. I actually started getting rid of my clothes that were faded & 'comfy' and now I'm wearing things that are a little nicer - colorful. Not black & dreary. Once, in 1990 or so, I ran into a guy friend & was wearing (get this) faded & stained light pink sweat pants. I was mortified. I swore never to go out like that again - and I haven't. <br />
If your man thinks you look beautiful, then you ARE beautiful. Who else matters? The bank teller that you won't see again? The guy in the car next to you talking to his wife on the cell phone? No! These people don't matter. YOUR MAN matters. So what if he's lying? Encourage him to lie more often if he's not doing it enough. We all need to hear it. Once in a while, I give mine positive reinforcement: "Y'know, you do a good job telling me I'm beautiful. I need that." He thinks I'm nuts, but all women are kinda nuts, so whatever.<br />
Seriously - look at your friends, I think you & I have the 2 guys in the world that TELL us we're beautiful. It only happens in the movies other than that. I'm glad to have met you. <br />
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And I like to go to the library & get self esteem audio books. There's nothing wrong with a person on a tape telling me how awesome I am - even if I'm not. <br />
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15 years ago, I was dating a guy who is now in prison, and was stealing all my stuff & doing crack cocaine with it (incidentally, I don't do drugs. I don't even smoke or drink).<br />
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Now, I'm 4mos away from my Masters in Statistics. I'm smart. I have a great family. I have a few good friends (who I wish had more time for me, but they have their own lives). I only post POSITIVE items on Facebook, because why bother typing NEGATIVE things - it just reinforces them, and makes people think I'm miserable. Image is everything. If you portray yourself as POSITIVE, eventually, even YOU will start to believe it.<br />
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Best of luck to you...Beautiful!